9-21-2011

so here i am ready to confess my sins...

...i have cheated...pretty much all summer long. i thought i had my cheating on this diet under control but i didnt. today is day 3. i weigh 154lbs as of this morning (a whopping 24lbs from my smallest size) and i have 34lbs to go till i am completely off this diet.

You should never cheat on this diet. it sends your brain into sugar overload. things i normally didnt care for i CRAVED, as in wake up in the middle of the night NEEDING!!! i felt myself getting fatter with each and every bite of this sinful food! My lack of self control made me self conscience and discusting everytime i ate in public. with every meal we had out, whether it was camping, or dinners, or bbqing with friends i felt ppl judging me. i felt that EVERYONE could see i was getting fatter with every bite.

But now i can honestly say i'm back on track. When NOTHING in my closet fit me it was my wake up call. Lets just say sweats and tee shirts have been my best friend the last three days. I'm so glad i got rid of EVERY thing in my fat wardrobe. Its hard for me to get rid of things, i was scared i needed them again. if i had them in the closest still i probably wouldnt have been so focased getting back on this diet the last three days.

day three is the hardest though. its the last day of your sugar reserve in the body. my stomach has been at a constant grumble for more food all day. and i know its just cause it wants sugar! but i know i mustn't. i can do this! i will not fail.

my brothers are coming up HOPEFULLY for christmas. one hasnt seen me since i was 230+lbs. i want to shock them! i've always been the fatty in my family and for once i can actually sit comfortably and not feel so self aware.

also with summer pretty much gone i can start working out again. (after i complete the diet of course) i can't wait to see what i'll look like then. Being excited for the diet again has made me refocus as well. i'm conjuring up new dinners to keep it interesting for me. the more intersting i can make it the more likely i have to sticking with it. the good part is i no longer work. i am STUCK here at home and i cant just RUN to the store real quick when i have a craving for things NOT in the house. (benefit of living in the sticks)

so here it is day 3 week 1 of the restart of my diet. wish me luck and strength everyone.

8-25-2011

Lets face it. i've failed this diet! the fat girl inside me wanted out. i'm back up to 150 and i can't go a day without cheating. what is my problem. i hate being 150, i liked being 130! i thought well maybe i'll quit the diet and work out. but who am i kidding. it could take me months to get down those 30lbs. but i know that if i stick with it i could be back down in a month and a half.

so here i am. 150lbs,. and tomorrow i'm going to start again at day one week one. god grant me the strengh to keep with it this time. i have the weekend coming up and then camping. i want to look good at nicks company picnic in 17 days. I CAN DO THIS!!!

i put my bathing suit on today and felt GROSS!!! and nothing is fitting right. i'm in between sizes and it looks aweful! i need to go clothes shopping in a few months for winter clothes and i want to be the size i want to be, not this fat cow sitting in front of the computer.

ppl dont get it though. what i do to myself all day. beat myself up. gag at the site of my flab! but i'm the only on who can change the way i look. and so far i'm not proving that i want to.

but tomorrow, tomorrow i'm starting fresh like its a new diet i've never done. day one!! i just have to remind myself wehere i came from. if i tell myself over and over again that in 6 weeks the flab will be gone and the diet will be done i can stick with it. i dont know what happened to the amazing will power i once had. it was great. i could turn anything down without even wanting a lick. i want that girl back. so tomorrow i'm going to get that girl back.

wish me luck. i know no one is actually reading this but it makes me feel better to just vent it out. also i need to stay off the scale, its depressing me. i'm on it about 5 times a day. and natlaie sees me on the scale a lot and is now weighing herself constantly. same with chloe. so i need to do it once a day and put the scale away. i dont want the girls being over cautious of their weight, thats my job. especially at their young age!

COME ONE DAY ONE BRING IT ON!!!

7-19-2011

FAILED!

that is the word of the month....failed, failure..whatever. I dont know what even started getting me to cheat but i did. I was driving home from a long day in tacoma with a cooked pizza in my car for nick. and then i just started eating it. WTF!!!! well i cheated that night and then the next day.. i have issues. but my stomach was sooo over full i felt 9 months pregnant. I vowed never to do it again and back on the diet i went. not too bad though i ended up loosing all the weight i gained in about 4 days.

Then i did it again. WTF all over again. this time it was for 2 days. then i got right back on hte diet and lost the 20lbs i gained in about 4 days....

THEN we went camping....and i did it again this time it was like a 5 day binge. wth is wrong wiht me. and its not like i eat a little here a little there. no i eat and eat and eat and eat....gained baout 25lbs over that weekend and again lost it all in about 4 days.

see the pattern....in my head i think okay well its the weekend i'll cheat and in about 4 days i'll be back down to my sexy 131. but i forget about how miserable i am coming off a cheating binge. the lack of sugar makes me bitchy! and all i think about is well i can start again tomorrow, or its okay all the weight will be gone in about 4 days. it doesnt matter. i need to think the other way. i need off this diet and i need to stay focused!

i have a bridal shower in about a week and a half and i want to look cute, also chloes birthday is coming up soon and i want ppl to see how different i look from natalie's party. then that following weekend nick and i are going to his cousins wedding in oregon and i have a very cute dress (size 5) that i want to look great in!! plus i am trying to save up to go to arizona ot see my brothers...and thats hot heat and i'm not wearing jeans and a t'shirt. all these things should motivate me. SHOULD. but yet again every weekend i'm stuffing my fat face with anything i can.

the reason i havent blogged is cause i was embarrased by my lack of self control. i was doing sooo good. i was in a small tank top and size 5 jeans. i was sooo happy when i bought those clothes...then i cheated. FAILURE!!! i only have one more goal...120lbs...then i'm done with this diet and back to eating and exercising. i honestly can't wait either.

the thing that i dont get is why do i cheat when eating doesnt make me feel good at all.. i get headaches from the sugars, and i get sooo swollen from the water weight. its uncomfortable. not to mention my digestive issues it brings.

well here i am. back at day 1 week 1....i have a fridge full of veggies and i'm not wavering this time. wish me luck.

6-14-2011

TRYING NEW THINGS



walden farms has some GREAT products out there. i have recently found the alfredo and the tomato and basil sauce! paired with some ground turkey and some chicken and zuccini noodles its a great meal that even the girls have enjoyed with me. (well bites off my plate at least). the picture shows each item i cooked seperatley so you can see all that is done. but i combined everythign in the end. I will post the reciepe for chicken alfredo when i can make it again and get a good picture.








Turkey Spegetti and Zuccini Noodles


5oz ground turkey breast


parsley flakes


garlic powder





walden farms tomatoe and basil sauce


mrs dash tomatoe basil garlic





1 cup zuccini noodles (see previous post for reciepe)


-olive oil


-1 garlic clove


-parsley flakes


1 cup sauted mushrooms



brown turkey in pan with parsley and garlic powder. heat tomatoe sauce in a pot (amount is up to you) add browned turkey and saute'd mushrooms to the sauce and let simmer. heat olive oil on high, add garlic clove saute till garlic is brown add zuccini and parsley flakes cook on medium high for 2 minutes. serve sauce on top of "noodles". ENJOY!

6-8-2011

so i'm currently right now sporting a size 6 pair of jeans that....well....are baggy...wth!! loL! i think its time to go shopping....which nick has given me the go ahead but i'm jsut waiting till i'm completely done.

i start phase 2 tomorrow. and i'm kinda nervous. i really liked drinking my protien shake with my lunch......but i have some eggs boiling to put in my salad for tomorrow and friday...(didnt really know what else to make since i got home too late to really make anything else). we'll see how hungry i am after lunch. maybe the REAL protien with my dinner will fill me up longer. phase 3 seems like soooo much food.....kinda not looking forward to that! lol

so far i've only lost 2lbs this week. i'm at 130 and i'm okay iwth that. i like the size i'm at right now. i feel goood! i look good too. my clothes are all baggy but thats a temporary problem.

time to finish preping for lunch tomorrow and go to bed. have a good night ya'll

6-7-2011

blah! so i'm at 130 even today, down .8 from yesturday. not bad. i'll take that! although thats only down 2lbs from thursday. i'm thinking what ever i am at this thursday i will start to phase off of the diet. we are going camping on 4th of july weekend and i dont want to be restricted. besides i need to start working out too. toning up. and since work is picking up i think i could definetly use the extra calories throughout the day to keep up with my work demand. especially if i'm gonna wanna work out at 8pm after the girls go to sleep. i can't do that on just what i am eating now. its not enough to last all day and work out. i'm pretty excited though.

this past weekend was a lot of fun with my family. it seems we are all so busy throughout the week to really spend time together and we got that time this weekend. i'm very excited where my life is going and i couldnt ask for anything better.

i should be going to MEPS next friday too. from there i will be able to figure out my life, and what my family will do while i'm gone. this week is a pretty big week for us.....i'm very excited for thursday too!

well happy tuesday everyone!!

6-2-2011

WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!! today is a great day!!!! 100lbs since 8-18-09!!! can you believe it! i sure can't. as a girl that has always struggled with her weight this to me is amazing! i dont even have words to describe it! i would like to thank nick for supporting me on this journey and for my good friends who have also supported me throughtou this process. i have 12 more lbs to go till i'm done with the ideal protien diet adn i plan to continue to use the reciepes that i've been using. but just not as strickly. like i can make enough for everyone instead of having to portion out EVERYTHING. i've been on this diet since february, i kinda know what a portion of meat looks like. and it fills me up. as long as i have a lot of veggies i'm good to go. i also like the idea that since I"M trying new foods so are the girls. even nick liked the "noodles" that i made. i will be able ot make a big batch for everyone to share with some chicken without having to use 50 million pans to cook it. oh man dishes will be a whole lot easier too. making two dinners is a challenge sometimes. especially in a rush. i dont have a lot of pots and pans so i have to make sure that they are washed and ready to go, sometimes washing them while i'm cooking so i can reuse a pan or a utensil.

wow 100lbs. i'm telling everyone today. i'm finally NOT the fat chick! i can't wait to see my friend sharon in july! and my brothers if they ever come back up here :( i've been really missing them a lot lately. but not to make my head bigger but these are the ppl that haven't seen me THROUGHOUT the diet so i really want to see their reaction. sharon hasnt seen me since 100lbs ago. and by the time she gets here i should be at my goal weight and toning up. CAN ANYONE SAY "lake time"!!!!!!

well i better finish getting ready for work. i hear a little one in the room knocking on her door to get out!

oh and jen i will post the reciepe for dinner i made last night tonight after the kids go to bed

6-1-2011

aww the first day of june...and the heaters are on. wth!!! i'm happy the weather is giving me a chance to get to my goal before i have to break out the mini shorts! lol.

i'm in a pretty good mood today. aside from my sitter having to cancel. my ears are feeling a little better which means i can actually hear!!!! and i'm down to 133 today. i really am leaning towards the prednisone i was on that made me gain that weight. cause i'm off of it and back down. i dotn want to get too hopefull though. i know what that gets me. tomorrow i'll probably be up to 140 or something crazy!

i was thinking that maybe all the activity i do at work is helping. (like a light work out sorta thing) so after i get done with my errands today and eating lunch i'm going to do a light work out at home. maybe a few sit ups and walking on the treadmil or something. not working out for so long and not eating carbs has really made me weak. we'll see how i do. i may not do it. there is a lot of house work that will keep me busy not to mention the yard needs some maintaning.

hope everyone is having a good hump day

5-30-2011

so this is kinda the same thing i had the other night just with chicken breast seasoned iwth the mrs dash southwest chipotle cooked on the foreman grill. i only did a cup of the zuccinni "noodles" (yes i'm addictd to them) and then a cup of steamed brocilli. it was really good. i recommend trying the noodles.

so i'm getting a little depressed with this stage of my diet. not sure whats the deal. but i just got off of having my period for a few weeks and now i'm back on it again. i was down to 134lbs on friday and today and yesturday i'm up to 137. i'm really not happy with all of this at all. i dont really know how to stop whats going on. i'm thinking i'm going to give it till thursday (weigh in day) then start working out and going to phase 2. maybe going to phase 2 and working out will give it a little boost. i was going to stay on phase 1 and work out but i think my body will like the extra protien at lunch time so i'll have the energy to work out after the girls go to bed.

i'm kinda nervous to start working out though. i know i'll be sooo sore at first. and tired. hopefully i dont mess up the diet. but something needs to kick it in gear. i have meps and boot camp coming up and i need to be off this diet and down to my goal weight.

after only having a week off and being back on my period is exhausting. it has drained all my energy out of me and all i want is a cookie!!! oh well i'll just take a nap. the chores i had planned for today will still be there later.

5-28-2011

dinner tonight was SOOO good! turkey burger on the george forman, zucinni "noodles" and some sautee'd mushrooms. super easy and something your WHOLE family will like.

Turkey Burger

5oz ground turkey breast

fav seasonings.

(sweet mesquite, garlic salt, mrs dash southwest chipotle)

-mix all together and form into a patty

- spray foreman grill

- cook till done (since i dont have directions to my foreman this has been a learning process :P )

Zuccinni "Noodles"

1 zuccini

olive oil

garlic salt

parsley flakes

-with a potatoe peeler, peel zuccini lengthwise into long thin strips.

-in a medium sauce pan heat olive oil

-throw in zuccini, season with garlic salt and parsley flakes and cook on high for about 2 minutes.

Sautee'd Mushrooms

2 sliced mushrooms

saute till desired doneness

this is one meal for one person on the Ideal Protien Diet ENJOY!!!!

5-26-2011

i've been trying to post a new blog for quite some time but blogger wouldnt let me log in! wth....so i am hoping this is a long blog we'll see. i have two little ones still running around and i need to get dinner started so i have to take breaks in between typing so i'm sorry if my contexts doesnt seem to make sense. but then again we are talking about me and my thoughts never really do make sense.

SOOOOO.....after 3 weeks of being STUCK at 141.4 i'm happy to say that i am at 136 as of this morning. hopefully i'll get back to my 5lbs a week average again!!! cause those are GREAT! also i'm thrilled to say i'm actually wearing a pair of stretch pants. and they look amazing on me. i'm gonna have to pick up some of my own. i borrowed these from nicks cousin the other day and havent returned them yet.

the one thing i DONT like about losing weight is my face. it looks like a drug addicts face. maybe when i start toning my face will get some meat on the bones. or maybe i'll just get used to it. god knows a tan would probably help the black circles under my eyes and the pale complextion!

everyday i get closer and closer to my goal but some days i just feel like it will never end. i get frustrated and begin to give up hope. i just have to stick with it and keep on going. now that iknow my goal is within reach NOT cheating is getting harder and harder. i can literally tastes all the yummy foods i see.

luckily i have found new reciepes that i love. i got a new dressing. the walden farms asian dressing and marinade. tastes way better as a marinade! here is the reciepe. (again the amounts of marinade and timed cooked is up to you)

5oz cut up chicken breasts
1 cup (1lrg) green bell pepper
1 cup broccili, green onions, jalepenos
walden farms asian marinade.
olive oil

soak the cut up chicken breasts in the marinade while the pan and oil is heating up
cook chicken in oil till about half way done. remove from pan.
steam in same pan with some water and asian marinade the veggies. cover and simmer
when veggies are just about to your liking throw chicken back in the mix, cover and simmer till desired liking.

i add more dressing to mine. i dont add any seasonings. its good jsut as is with a salad on the side.

i have noticed that i LOVE eggs on this diet. the thing i have found i miss the most is that i dont eat breakfast (yet) so having eggs for dinner lets me pretend i DO get the breakfast. plus its fast and easy.

i did find 2 reciepes for zuccini noodles and baked kale. they both sound good. but i dont have what ever it is i need to make the noodles. :( let me know if anyone has one i can borrow before i buy one

i think this is good for now. i have to work in the morning. which is hard enough to do with out extra foods to snack on. my energy level seems to be dropping. i need carbs soon. lol!

5-21-2011

feeling a little better today, talked to nicks cousin last night about the ideal protien diet stuff. and she was telling me that she platued for 3 weeks too, so that made me feel a lot better. we'll see what thursday brings, my batter in my scale is going dead so i need to replace that ASAP!!! kinda sucked to not weigh myself today, i feel like a druggie needing a fix!!!!! here's to hoping this week goes good, i'm almost done!

5-19-2011

come on fucking really!!!! seriously!!!! 3rd week in a fucking row at 141!!! i really hope i have a change by next thursday. otherwise i'm phasing off having my cheat day and starting again. also i've been on my period for just as long almost. its getting old. FAST!! hopefully phasing off and starting again gives me the boost i need to lose the last 20lbs. i'm so beyond frustrated right now.

not to mention i got NO sleep last night. nick comes home at like 2am and he has the tv in the room sooo loud that it wakes me up then natalie crawls in WIDE AWAKE at like 3am. then the power goes out at like 330 i finally doze of at like 4am and then the power comes back on and with everything beeping it wakes me up! supposed to be a beautiful day out and all i want to do is sleep! and mope about not losing weight. but whatever.

we'll see what next week brings about. please god let it be a weight loss week not a stand still!!! i haven't cheeted and i've been very very good. i dont see why i'm being punished :( not sure what to really do right now though. being at a stand still isnt fun anymore. i can do a week of no loss thats fine but three weeks. and just about as long on my period. arg!!! and i know they are linked. that its proven that you have less weight loss on your period weeks. but come on cut me some slack mother nature and BACK OFFF!!!!!

5-18-2011

its been a while since i've blogged. i've been pretty discouraged with this diet. i was stuck at 141 for about 12 days! just yesturday i finally weighed in at 138.8. which is where i'm still at today. the joke about the last 20 lbs being the hardest is still true on this diet where the weight magically seems to melt off of you. i didnt cheat though! i kept with it. even though nick made delicious ribs one night. and there are still some in the fridge as we speak. everyday i weighed the same was a battle to keep from cheating. it just didnt seem worth it to continue the diet without any loss. lets hope that there wont be another "platue". i can't afford one. i want to be off this diet already and i still have 18lbs to go and then a month of phasing. I should be getting married the end of june and i'm still debating if i am going to cheat on that day or not. still haven't decided exactly.

found a new protien that is way super cheap and tastes amazing! its the muscle milk powder from costco. all i need is 3/4th scoop of it in 7ozs water and its has a great rich flavor. i will probably continue to buy this protien after the diet is over. for those days at work when i just need a snack and i dont want to have chips and sodas like i used to do.

can't wait to go to boot camp though. i'm gonna come back sooo toned, and looking hot. i'll miss my girls though. :( but it will help my family out in the long run so i know its a good thing.

i havent been feeling too hot the last couple of days, my throat is killing me. which sucks n this diet cause i used to like to eat chips to kinda scratch my throat as i'm eating them but i can't. soy sauce cause of the salt kinda helps a little. not sure how i'm going to do at work tomorrow feeling like this but a girls gotta work right!

i have a lot of ppl asking me about this diet and if i can give them the information and such. but its really hard to give out. i wish i could scream it out from the top of the roof so everyone can loose weight and build confidence. but its a lot of work explaining the diet. IF they even do it. my cousin is doing it right now and she isnt have results like i would have thought she would have. but everyone is different. my results go from AWESOME to eh...this week sucks. lol! so i'm kinda hesitant about letting ppl in on the diet. i would feel bad if it doesnt work.

tomorrow is weigh in day and i'm hoping for something good. maybe another couple of lbs. hmmm...i'll be happy just with some ounces lost. i've lost track of what week i'm on too. loL!

hope everyone has a great night and enjoys the sun tomorrow'

5-14-2011

oh the temptation!!! at a friends bbq'ing and nick and his cousin made THE ribs i LOVE!!! wtf!!! i can't have them of course. but they sure do look sweet!

so the big announcement is that i'm joining the navy. here very soon. nick and i are gonna be getting married in about a month. so with little money and no planning i'm throwing a small wedding. wish me luck!

5-9-2011

man i'm soooo tired... i'm thinking it might be my lack of carbs that are making me crash like crazy. its like i need a cheat day to jump start my diet again. more than likely not gonna do the cheat day. but i keep thinking about it. its probably all the stress that i'm going through.

i'm still at 141 today, yesturday the scale read 138...hmmmm.... this diet really can screw with your head! we'll see what tomorrow will bring. i'm gonna be excited to get under 140. maN!!! think where i have come from...233 after i had chloe on 8-18-09. i'm shocked! i get quick glances in mirrors and think to myself...and sometimes at nick....wow i really do look amazing! BRING ON THE SUMMER BIOTCHES!!! i'm ready to take the girls swimming in a bathing suit (although i need a tan desperatly and some toning done) but i look better than i have in YEARS (almost a decade).

got some big changes in my life that is coming up. can't discuss them till they are finalized but big changes.....VERY BIG

5-4-2011

i'm sitting here thinking to myself....WOW i'm at 142. ha wow! i was cleaning out my pants drawer to fit some more clothes that NOW fit me into there and i tried on this pair of shorts that i wore LAST summer, and wow.....i couldnt even keep them on my hips! they are sooooo huge. i need to get my size 18's back from my friend so i can try them on and take pictures when this is all done. i have 22 more lbs to go! i can't believe it! i have 12 more to go till i am off of stage 1 and onto stage 2 then ten after that before i finally get fruit and bread and butter!

MMMMmmMMMMmmmMM its the small things in life right. once i'm onto phase 3 i will only have 4 weeks left of the diet then my amazing CHEAT DAY!! my mouth waters just thinking about it. i probably have about 2 more months on this diet. so hopefully 4th of july will be a good EATING day for me! i'm hoping at least. 2 more months seems like sooo far from here. but ihave to lose all the weight before i can start phasing out of the diet. and the last two phases takes 2 weeks each. but it wont be bad cause it wont be like it is on phase 1. where i'm super restricted and i look forward to dinners. phase 3 you get a good breakfast lunch and dinner then protien for after dinner snack. i'm still cloudy on phase 4 but my friend will fill in the blanks i'm sure. she has been extremely supportive of me in the diet. and has helped me with every question i have had. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!! i couldnt have done this diet without her (since she is the one that supplies me with all the info so i didnt have to spend a fortune at the chiropractors)

i LOVE looking at myself in a full length mirror and as i dont have one right now i WILL be picking one up this weekend! I used to avoid the mirrors....just a quick look at my hair and makeup to make sure i look alright and then i was done. anything that was below the sholders i hated looking at....i was at Victoria secret the other day and i actually took pictures of myself in the mirror. i was AMAZED! i dont get to see myself that often in a full mirror so i get shocked everytime i DO see myself.

i'm gonna leave you now with my reciepe for what i had for dinner tonight. (no picture)

fried eggs and sautee'd spinach

2 eggs
1 cup spinach
1 cup mixture mushrooms, jalapenos, green onions
olive oil

in a small pan fry the two eggs how you prefer. i like mine hard and salty.
in a medium frying pan pour olive oil heat on medium high and sautee mushrooms jalepenos green onions and spinach.

i like to put garlic salt, pepper, and yes more sea salt. i like my eggs and spinach salty.

quick easy dinner.

5-3-2011 part two

i think i'm gonna start posting IDEAL PROTIEN DIET friendly reciepes on here. i have so much fun experimenting with different things that i think i should share them. just fyi there are a few things about my reciepes i should point out...

1. i dont measure anything (except the meat and veggies)

2. anything can be added and taken out of the reciepes. which make them perfect for anyone

okay with htat being said here is what i had tonight. I'm gonna call it

LEMON HERB CHICKEN WITH MUSHROOMS AND SPINACH

5oz chicken

italian seasoning

salt

pepper

1 lemon

2 garlic cloves

-----------------------------

1 cup spinach leaves

1 cup mixture jalapenos, green onions, and mushrooms

olive oil

garlic salt

salt

-in a steamer prepare water, squeeze some lemon into the water for added flavor.

-season chicken with italian seasoning, pepper, salt. squeeze lemon over chicken. place lemons and chicken on the steamer tray. put garlic cloves on top of the chicken.

-cook for 15 minutes

-while chicken is cooking put olive oil, spinach and mixture of jalapenos, green onions, and mushrooms in a medium saucepan on med high heat. saute to desired doneness.

voila! delish meal that is within the realm of the ideal protien diet. serve with romaine lettuce and walden farms ceasar dressing or just eat as is.

if you try this let me know how it is. not just ppl on the ideal protien diet have to try this. this is very healthy for ANYONE! low fat, low carb, low calorie dinner that everyone will enjoy

5-3-2011

feeling pretty good. still am looking forward to being off this diet. mainly for the fact i want to start getting into shape. working out is something i am CRAVING now.

I'm at 143 today. pretty good, seeing how i only have 23 more to go. I remember when i lost my first 20lbs with just eating right and exercising. oh i was sooo happy!!! but the journey seemed sooo long. now i only have 23 left. i can't believe it. i'm excited and nervous all at the same time. can i even do it alone? i did really good when i was just eating right, it was the fact that the weight wasnt coming off as fast as i would have liked it too. Now i just can't believe that i'm at 143. i dont even remember when i WAS this weight. that is sad.

In middle school through high school i've always struggled with weight. I wasnt big but bigger than all the other prettier girls. bigger than all my friends. i felt fat. gross. clothes didnt look right on me and i always tried to hide myself with baggie clothes. t'shirts that didnt show my grossness. the only time i felt pretty was sophmore year my friend karissa lent me clothes and did my hair and make up for a dance (that to remind EVERYONE i went to alone!) it was the only time i felt pretty. i remember one night at dinner asking my brother peter for a roll and he said you have plenty already (refering to my fat rolls) mind you i wasnt as fat as i was jsut a year ago. oh no, nowhere near it. i was probably about as big as i am right now. but it stung. still stings today. i wonder if ppl know what its like to be fat. to look at every bite you see going into your mouth and say to yourself "you really dont need this". and the fact was i didnt. but its not fair when EVERYONE else is eating fattening foods.

I'm happy that i'm almost over my FAT stage. summer is coming and i want to look good. i'm still debating if i want to go to my high school reunion or not. Do i really care to see you all. or do i jsut want to show off how amazing i'll look??? i guess i'll find that out soon enough.

weigh in on thursday and i'm hoping it will show 140!!! hoping. nothing i can do to really push it along. lol! just keep on trucking i guess.

4-26-11

BLAH!!

i'm sooo tired today! i dont know what my deal is. i want to just eat anything salty. like chips and salsa with extra salt on it!!!! ARG!!!! i feel like i'm getting discouraged. but thats easy to do after a period week. no weight loss in a whole week is a big deal to me. but i'm already down 4lbs for this week and i have till thursday to hopefully lose more.

easter was HARD. very hard. i made a lot of cakes and junk and couldnt even taste what it was like! everyone seemed to enjoy them so i assume i did an okay job. not to mention all the goooooood food that everyone else brought! but its okay. 27 more to go. i just keep telling myself....about 6m ore weeks and i'm free.

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!!!

although i've been to this point before, then i changed my weight goal. when i'm off of phase 1 i'll get excited. that means more food at my lunch time!!!!!! then phase 2 is only for like 10lbs, that should go by quick then 2 weeks for both phase 3 and 4!!!!! i just want the next 17lbs to fly by already!

4-10-2011

Feeling pretty good about my switch to 120lbs, I'm thinking its the best idea. Since i'm already dedicated to this diet i might as well go fo the gold. and i've been thinking about it the last few days and now i'm sure its what i want. sucks to somewhat GO BACK 10lbs when i was getting soooo close but its all for the best. kinda nervous about hte next couple of days....i switched my protien to something at walmart. its shaves a few bucks off every two weeks. every penny counts. lol. i've been using the same protein powder for 8 weeks now and its worked great so switching makes me nervous that i'll GAIN weight like the label on the protein says. LETS HOPE NOT. i borrowed some protein from a neighbor for yesturday and still managed to loose a pound by this morning so i dont think there will be much of a problem. ALSO....i finally did something out of the fish section of the dinner protiens you can have. I did a shrimp stir fry. shrip and garlic salt sautee'd in olive oil and then add broccili, mushrooms, green onions and jalepenos. YUM! i will say i did use way too much jalapenos. but it was still good, it was nice ot have fish. i love fish but its usually too expensive. but shrimp you cna buy frozen for like 5 bucks, and one bag is two servings for me. so not too bad. I really can't wait to be able to eat regular food again though. to not have to think so hard about something NEW to eat for dinner. tonight nick and the girls had chicken & spinach pesto lasagna.!!! it took me forever to make but it looked sooo good!! i just wanted to have one small heaping section. but i didnt :( oh well all in good time i guess.

4-9-2011

so far its been a great week! weighed in on thursday at 157, and today i am at 154.8. I think its been a successful week so far! but its been a hard one too. Went to a friends birthday bbq last night and there was sooo many great foods. i was getting hungry just looking at them. i ended up going home early cause i cant drink and i knew i would have had a blast if i could have. :( but it should be all over with very soon. and then i can go back to having fun wiht my friends in moderation. (of course drinking has a lot of calories so i have ot take it easy) another thing i think i have decided on is to change my goal weight down to 120. i figure its only 10lbs. so that would be like adding 2 more weeks to it. not that big of a deal. i changed it cause i figured when this diet is over i will probably gain some weight back just with toning and exercising alone! so if i stop at 130 then i could be back up to 140 and i dont want that. if i go to 120 i may go to 130. just giving myself a little cushioning. not quite sure yet did easter pictures yesturday with my girls. Can't wait too see how they turned out! i'm not usually big on pictures but i figured why not. Even though it was still cold i wore a skirt lol! i had to, its supposed to RAIN for the next 10 days. ARG!!!!

4-5-2011

With all the stress I am going through right now. I have still managed to keep with the program. What I really want is candy and chocolates, and salty foods, chips soda, fried foods. Crazy erics...ect ect ect. I am not getting any of those things. I am very close to being done. As of this morning I am 157.4lbs. VERY close to being done. Daily weight loss is helpfull to keep your goal straight. I just want to eat food when I want to eat it. Like now, I want popcorn...with lots of salt....CANT HAVE IT!! Sometimes it kills me! but i survive. Then the next morning I lost 1 to 2 lbs and I forget about the CRAVINGS I've had for numerous things. I've gotten really into baking on this diet. Not sure if its cause I can't eat any of the foods or not. But I am working on something for Easter that I hope everyone will love. I dont know why i'm soooo obsessed with baking though. But its fun. And I can't eat it so its guilt free for me! lol! 27.4 pounds to go! 20 more to go until I am off phase 1 can't wait to start saving money on protien by NOT having it for lunch. This stuff is not cheap. arg.

4-2-2011

oh yeah! the sun is out. going to a movie with stephanie! gonna be a good day!. I was hoping this morning I'd be down to under 160, but I will settle with 160 even. That means tomorrow i should be under 160. I can't believe I only have 30lbs to go! I love my weight loss ticker too!!! its great! I like that it does the math for me. Whenever the sun is out I get really excited for this summer! I'm really excited to look good. to not feel uncomfortable at the lake or at a pool. Or even just being able to look good in a pair of shorts or a cute sun dress! I LOVE the t-shirt style dresses that were out last summer and I've always wanted to wear them. Hopefully this summer I will be able to wear them!!!! super excited. I just wish this last 30lbs comes off as fast as the first 31 did!!! i still can't believe i weight 230 when chloe was born. this diet is amazing. and it will only get better. i have the know how to eat healthy I know what foods to stay away from, and i know how to eat in moderation. so i dont think i'll have any problems KEEPING the weight off. Plus at that size it will be WAY easier to exercise. i'm excited to start working on my abs. and toning my body... just all around looking good!!!

3-30-2011

SOOO its already the end of march. Where did this month go! I'm on week 7 right now and I'm feeling pretty great! I started this diet out at 191.8 and today I'm down to 161.8!!! 30lbs in 7 weeks. AMAZING!!! I couldn't have done it without the support from my friend Shyla and from Nick. I am now happy to say that I am !!!!!!HALF WAY DONE!!!!! 30 more pounds to go!! I can't wait!! hopefully another 7 weeks would be nice! I think I'm more suprised not by the weight loss but by my will power. I'm hoping this carries over after this diet is over. I am actually eager to start working out again and toning my body! I have just about 4 more weeks till I am going to Arizona!! in 4 weeks I will hopefully be down another 15lbs making me 146! Arizona I hope you are ready for me! I'm very excited to see my brothers. Peter especially cause he hasn't seen me since christmas and I was about 209 then. Yes I said that correctly....209...so since january I have actually lost a total of 48lbs, and since chloe was born i have roughly lost 69lbs!!! If ya'll want to know how that felt to be carrying around 69lbs....go down to the store and pick up 7 bags of potatoes! THAT'S a lot huh!!! Thirty more and It's over, down 69lbs, 30 will be like a cake walk! I can't believe I'm on the down hill side of losing weight. 30 doesnt seem as bad as 100lbs i had origanally wanted to lose (230 to 130). I can't believe I had a 100 lbs to lose. what a fat ASS!!! holy cow. No wonder I feel amazing. Still fat, but getting better by the day.

3-26-2011

SLOW WEEK!! lost only 2lbs, but at least i lost something right. Aunt flow was here so that really slows down the weight loss on this diet. No big deal though, today i was down 1.5lbs from yesturday so i know that this will be a great week.

Tomorrow is Natalie's birthday party, and i'm kinda nervous... ALOT OF DELICIOUS FOODS!! TEMPTATIONS!!! 120 lumpia, hamburgers, hotdogs, potatoe salad, chips, dip, ect!!!! and i get a salad, a protien shake and some water! I really hope my lumpia turned out, I couldnt taste it so i have no idea if it turned out. I put all the same things in it i usually do so i think it should be fine. We'll see how tomorrow works out.

Started working last Thursday. That's been rough. Shipper offered to buy quiznos (yum!) but i had to figure out how to politely turn it down. When she brought it home it smelled soooo good. I love when shippers buys us food. But i had a salad, a protien shake and some water. It's okay though. almost there. then i'll be able to splurge a littel bit. i work monday and tuesday so far next week. packing lunches is gonna be the hardest part. some days i'm runing too late, so i get lunch and the girls get pj's.

all in all i think i'm doing a really good job at this diet, i haven't cheated once!!! and i think this is week 6 so a month and a half without cheating.. pretty good!! oh and 27lbs lost!! amazing!! i'm going to look and FEEL sooo amazing this summer! i can't wait.

3-21-2011

I know its been about 10 days since I've posted a blog, but I've been uninspired. I'm done to 165lbs, very proud of that. I look amazing!!! (to say the least) And I feel great.

Temptations are everywhere though. My birthday we all went to red robin. I had a chicken cesear salad plain, and I brought my own dressing. I guestimated 5oz of chicken, and I gave my birthday treat they give you to Natalie and her cousin. They seemed to enjoy it! Also we went to Seattle on Monday and I was still able to just eat what i was supposed to. Even eating at Denny's I just did the same thing I did at red robin. Ordered only what i was allowed to have. I'd say I'm doing remarkably well. I'm really trying to figure out some new reciepes... Kinda getting bored with the same ol' same ol'. the food I eat is very very good, but I'm getting bored.

On another note I just made Natalie the best desert EVER!!! Crumbled brownies with cookies and cream ice cream, topped with caramel suruyp, and mini rainbow colored chocolate chips. and a butterscotch and chocolate chip cookie on the side. DELICIOUS!!!

You know what I've been doing to NOT eat the crappy foods.....SMELLING them. Weird I know, but it works. I can't believe in 5lbs I will be halfway to my goal.

There are things I'm already having to replace. I'm in DESPERATE need of a new bra!!! and tank tops. For my birthday I went shopping and got some MEDIUM!!! tops and sweaters but I realized that you can't wear a medium top over a large (and definetly not xl) tank tops. opps, wish i would have figured that out when old navy was having their 5 dollar essentials sale! arg!! oh well. I do know that there are some of my friends that are reaping the benefits of me having to get rid of my clothes. I've purged pants, shirts, sweatshirts, long sleeve shirts, and i've thrown away underwear that don't fit anymore. I start working thursday so I will have extra money to get the things I need thankfully!

I wonder what I will look like at 130lbs. Hopefully really HOT!! I know at 165 I feel great, I'm sure at 130 I will feel EVEN better.

I'm kinda excited to start going downhill soon. 27lbs more till I can be off phase 1. But at the rate I'm going it should be the begining of May. hope fully that last 10% of my weight in phase 2 will go quick, I'm ready to be done with this diet and onto maintaning and exercising! I'm so ready for this summer. HOT MOMMA COMING THROUGH!!! WATCH OUT!! lol!

3-12-2011

temptations, temptations, temptations.

although it seems that i am losing weight very easy..it is just the oppisite of that. some days are way harder than others to not cheat. LIke the last couple days for instance. nick and the girls had papa murphy's for dinner, then cheesy bread, and finally some cookies. YUM! i had Chicken stir fry and califlour rice. Not exactly as good as pizza. Then for lunch the girls had heated up pizza. NOW i was drooling, i love p-murphs next day recooked in the oven. It's soo good, with some crushed red peppers, a little salt, and some ranch to dip it in. The NEED to have that pizza over my salad was un ignorable.... but i didnt. then after dropping the girls of at their aunties i was starving, which usually i would swing through a fast food on my way home and have dinner. nope waiting till i got home and had eggs and spinach. then when it was time to have my protein shake that was hard, i was making it in the middle of a sea of crap on the counter, pizza, cookies, apple cinnoman muffins, oh man....it took all i had to make the shake instead.

now if i were single this would be no problem. it would be all the food i would have to see. now with kids and a bf its not that simple. i have to make food all day for the girls. fruits, and toasts, and mac n cheese's oh man not to forget grilled cheese sandwiches and soup!!!! so the fact that i am losing weight as rapidly as i am really isnt with out a lot of work!!! the real test will be natalie's birthday party. making all that delicious foods and not being able to taste them! frying up lumpia and not being able to eat half! OH MAN!!

the good news with this is i'm down to 170.2!!! whoot whoot!!! to me thats amazing! i think when i get under 170 i might cry! lol!!

3-10-2011

wowza!!! 5lbs in one week! i'm stoked! down to 173 now. i'm amazed everyday with this diet... its nice that when i have a rough day, like yesterday i made some apple cinnamon muffins from scratch and never had them before. i was DYING to know how they turned out. but i didn't eat them. and then today i am down a pound from yesterday, it all seems worth it then.

tonight i'm gonna try some califlower rice. what little research i did online only had positive reviews so...might as well. i'll let you all know how it turned out. then on friday i'm gonna try some turnip fries, a little nervous for those cause i dont even know what a turnip looks like! lol. gotta do some grocery shopping today while natalie is at preschool, the hardest part is finding things for nick and the girls to eat.

well here's to hoping that week 4 is just as successful as week 3. the faster i lose my weight the sooner i can look hot in may when i see my brothers, and the sooner i can get off this diet!

i strongly recommend this diet! go to www.idealprotein.com

3-7-2011

day 4 week 3 phase 1

so for the last two days i've been at 175...i was kinda bummed out about it today but i did the math and i'm still down 3lbs since thursday. so that made feel a little better about not losing weight for a couple of days. also nick used some seasonings that didnt ahve any nutrition facts on it so i'm not sure if it was OKAY to use. who knows... my friend told me that she went a whole week with out losing weight...so i think its okay.

i got the vanilla protein drinks this time...and i do not recommend them!!! i wonder if rite aide will take it back.. i didnt mean to get the vanilla one. hmm. i guess i could call. and i tried the walden farms ketchup too and it was discusting!!! dont know why i got it in the first place...i dont like ketchup. hopefully qfc will exchange that for the ranch one. i like waiting for thursdays, i wonder what the scale will show this week. last week it was 4.4lbs.

oh and does everyone like my ticker...pretty cool. natalie picked out the design and everything. lol. but yay 45lbs to go!!

3-4-12

day one of week 3.....

its exciting to know that the weeks are just flying by! i can't wait to have some pork ribs! or even just some fruit.

my weigh in yesturday (my weekly weigh in day) was 178.0 which is a loss of 4.4lbs in a week!!!! WHOOHOO!! i think i deserve a pat on the back! *pat pat* and today my weight was 176.4 even better! i'm very excited to see where this is going! i want to lose at least 6 more pounds by march 27th, i know that there is nothing i can do to accelerate the weight loss. just have to keep on trucking! i have almost 3 and a half weeks till natalie's birthday...at an average of lets just say 4lbs a week, i could lose up to about 12lbs by then that would leave me at 164.4, which would be AMAZING!!!! here's to hoping.

Now i'm not saying this is easy....this last couple days i've been struggling. nick brought home chinese food last night and make me a stir fry....hmm, well i love chinese food :( i just pretended that cause it was from safeway (which IS my favorite) that it was probably old, and seeing that we live about 15 minutes away it would have been cold. so i it seemed unappealing to me at that point. i made toast for chloe this mroning adn i LOVE toast....arg! but i'm doing pretty good. haven't even had a nibble. oh then last night natalie watched a movie with popcorn adn i had a protien shake. not fair!!! that was our thing...chloe goes to bed, we watcha movie and eat some popcorn. BUT knowing that i lost 1.5 lbs since yesturday its rewarding when i dont splurge. no other diet has made me feel like this. (trust me i've tried them all) i think the scale helps you to stay focased. i weigh myself everyday. and if there is no weight loss that day i reflect on the previous day to make today even better. like did i drink enough water. did i over measure on the veggies. things like that.

for all of you that are still reading this. thank you for your support....and sarah... i can't wait to have you do some photos of me when this is all done! i wish i had the courage to do true before pictures, you know, bare it all....

3-1-2011

WOW MARCH ALREADY!!! where has time gone!

well as i'm waiting patiently for my daughters to wake up i decided to weigh myself...178lbs!!! amazing! 4.4lbs since thursday! this diet really does work. i feel good, i am looking great.

the thing i can't get past is why did it take me getting soo fat to be confident at the size i was when i met nick???? when i was in job corp and when i got out i thought i was gross! just a fat ass girl that no one liked... when in actuallity i have pictures of what i looked like in job corp and i strive to look like that again. but yet i hid myself thinking i was fat. in high school i was the smallest so far at 150lbs and yet....i thought i was fat... boys didn't like me. at least they didn't persue me so i figured i was fat and ugly. i look the same as i did in high school yet somehow 28lbs heavier i feel prettier. more attractive. sexy even. and i'm sure as i lose more weight my face will get thinner along with my body and i will have even more confidence. i just wish i had this kind of confidence in myself 6-7 years ago

2-26-2011

YES!!!!! i'm under the 180 mark!!!!!! I can't believe i'm doing this!!! i can't believe i found something that has worked! I'm getting very excited for natalie birthday.....i'm gonna see ppl i haven't seen in awhile and i think it will be a good boost of confidence! well and its natalie's birthday lol

i'm wearing size 13 jeans, and my xl shirt is too big...oh boy....

i went to my parents attic and pulled out all the clothes i had up there. its a ridiculous amount. but i have to get them all washed and sorted through to see what i'll actually wear. probably not much of it.. .but there is a lot of jeans i can see myself wearing....expensive ones too

i'm excited for this to be over. i feel like i've become obsessed with it....

2-24-11

GREAT DAY!!!!!

End of week 1 on phase 1....

Thinking I've only lost about 7lbs, and possibly even gaining a pound due to "aunt flow" i was shocked when i got on the scale and it read 182.4 doing quick math in my head i was like okay well 7.4 lbs isnt bad definetly happy with that....ha, i guess 6am is too early to be doing math in my head!!! cause i've lost a totall of.......
......
.......
....
...........8.4 pounds this week!!!!!!! whoohoo whoohooo whoohooo

i can't wait till natalie's birthday party and everyone i haven't seen in a while is shocked at how much i've lost. gotta go to my parents this weekend and pull some clothes out of the attic that will be fitting me in the next month or so. gotta sort through them and wash them or donate what isnt my style anymore. Those clothes are my smallest size clothes......once they dont fit.. its all sweat pants and t's untill i'm completely done and i can go shopping!!!! i'm sooo very excited...also excited to give myself a reward by going to arizona and seeing my brothers... last time they saw me it was christmas and i was back up to 200lbs :-( i've lost a total 16.6 pounds since the last time i've seen them! and by the time i go down in may i am confident i will be down 65lbs!!!! that will be sooo amazing... (thats 65 from 200 not from today..)

i started this diet at 191.8 with a goal weight of 130. that means i'm going to try to lose 61.8lbs to make it easier i just stuck with 60. i now have 53.4 to go!!!! yay

2-23-11

habits...

a lot of things i've noticed in the past 6 days are directly related to mine and i'm sure many others weight gain. It's small things you'd never think of. What do you do when you have lets say a frosting or a sauce on your hand... Do you immediatly wipe it away or do what 90% of you do...LICK IT OFF. How about when you are making food... you taste it right...maybe one spoonfull, maybe 2, 3, 4 till its just right. When I make grilled cheese for the girls I usually eat natalie's crust cause she doesnt like it...i'm eating a healthy lunch and i think to myself... its like 1/24th of the calories i WOULD have eating if i had made a whole grilled cheese. right??? WRONG!!!! its still not good. making mac and cheese..oh i love mac and cheese...but i'll have a healthy lunch and then take bites of it as i'm serviing it up.. next thing i know, i've eating 10 bites...in my book thats eating a bowl of mac and cheese. it all adds up.

in addition to the amazing weight loss i've already experienced with this diet i've learned to control my urges...realize what habits i have that aren't good. and also to say no to the foods i DONT need. i thought this would be hard... saying no isnt the hardest part... its the habits you dont realize you had. like maybe taking a few extra bites of the dinner as you're puting it away in the fridge or that extra piece of garlic bread you have... then theres alcohol. As you may have read in previous posts its really bad!!! hidden calories for sure. you would never have thought you were drinking douple your daily intake of calories and almost 5 times the amount of carbs you need in a day. done drinking thats for sure. not to mention you can't have it on this diet.

habits are hard to break but i started wearing a towel on my sholder when i cook so i can easly just wipe my hands off and not think twice. also putting the food RIGHT after dinner is the best thing i can do.

I"m giving this my all....i'm expecting to get great results...

tomorrow is my weigh in and i'm hoping it goes good. i'm hoping for 10 but will settle for 9 lol

2-22-2011

the reason you shouldnt weigh yourself every day when you are trying to lose weight....

--you get discourage when the scale is up a few ounces or nothing at all. today i weighed 155.6 thats a 1.6lbs more than i did on sunday... i couldnt tell you why. i did everything just as i'm supposed to do.

see my problem. now i beat myself up all day long not knowing what the problem is. so now its gone. the battery is out of the scale. i'll try again on thursday and hope for no more weight gain. :( with this diet its not like i can DO anything to progress my weight loss. if i work out i'll just gain muscle and that will make me weigh more. oh well....i'll just stick with it. see what happens. i want to loose 20 total by march 26th and at 7lbs down i'm already well on my way to that goal. now i just have to find the clothes in the storage unit that fit me at that size

2-20-2011

man i'm doing freakin awesome!!!!

i thought yesturday would be hard, but luckly i have GREAT friends that support me. even went to arby's and i didnt have anyhting. i didnt even want the curly fries. then went to a few bars in bremerton adn had water. and i still had soo much fun!!! sucks that my pants were falling off of me! oh well. this will pass...

ANNNNND i lost another 2 pounds last night. thats 7 total sooo far. 3 more and i'll have lost 10 pounds and i'll be 181 pounds. pretty exciting!!! i know i shouldnt be excited to weigh sooo much but its a good thing for me. i weighed 184 last may so 181 is the smallest i've been in years. i'm very excited to hit 175!!! i looked sooo good at 175. i'll be even more excited when i reach 150!!! man 150 is what i weighed in high school. and although i thought i was fat i was WAY smaller than i am now. and then at 150 i'll be just 20lbs away from my goal weight!

i think its easier for me to go by 20's. set a goal of 20lbs and then go to the next 20lbs. so far since 8-18-09 i've lost a total of 46lbs. the sad part is its really more like 60 cause i've gained back 20 over last summer and then ten at the end of january. i now know the results of cheating on a diet. 60lbs is what i want to lose NOW. and adding it up makes me mad that i could have already been half way there if i'd stuck to it.

oh well live and learn right!!! hope everyone enjoys the sun!!!

2-19-2011

day 3 week 1 phase 1

day 2 wasn't too bad. not eating the delicious food that i make the girls is getting easier every day. lost 2.4 lbs since yesturday, thats a total 5.8 so far! i think thats pretty good! so i'm down to 186. my goal is getting closer pound by pound, day by day. also not as hungry as i was the first day. was able to wait till 930 today to have breakfast. i'm hoping by waiting for breakfast i wont be soo hungry at noon so i can have my lunch at like one or 2 then dinner at 5 like normal. its the time between eating thats hard. i get sooo hungry. but i'm doing good. and by this summer i should be lookin great!!!

today is gonna be a challenge.... gonna hang out with a friend and go see a movie. i'm sure there will be dinner in there somewhere...and then popcorn. i'm already getting dinner ready and my protien shakes through out the day. this is gonna be difficult. not sure how it will go. but if i have even 1 peice of popcorn its throwing me off three days. and even though i'm only 2 days into i've done really good. and i haven't given up.

2-18-2011

WHOA!!! just weighed myself and i've already lost 3.4 pounds. I really need to put the battery away for the scale. This could become very addicting!

Yesturday was HARD, and thats an understatement. The habit of tasting food when yuo are cooking is very difficult to break. Taking bites of the girls foods is also another habit that is hard to break. Preschool is hard...yesturday they had cinimon rolls and cupcakes. Normally i'd just have a little snack. Self control is very hard when things smell soooo delicious. I just tried to convince myself that just cause things smell sooo good doesnt mean they are. I did not cheat once. I found myself a few times almost taking bites or tasting things. like when the cinnimon roll frosting got on my fingers it was almost impossible to put my hands under water and wash it off rather than lick it.

3.4 pounds in one day is a good motivation to not cheat today. Lets see how the weekend goes. Supposed to go see a movie saturday with some friends. The smell of the buttery movie theatre popcorn filling the air. oh man.... i'm already drooling for it. But i think i can say no. I'm excited to see how the first week goes

2-17-2011

day 1, week 1, phase 1

The water in the morning is something I'm DEFINETLY gonna have to get used to. I love water all day long, but for some reason in the morning it tastes like butt. I have to get a total of 64 ounces of water a day minimum. With the water bottle I'm using its about 3.2 of those water bottles not to mention the 21 ounces of water I'm already taking in with the protien shake. But, I'm gonna keep drinking the 3 bottles of water. I also have a costco package of bottled water in my trunk for on the go convience. The food and the shakes is easy.. I was worried about not getting in enough water. Doing research online I found out that when people doing this diet didnt get enough water they had a "low" weight loss week. Other than the week i'm on my period, I don't want ANY "low" weight loss weeks.

This diet works by eliminating your stock pile of carbohydrates. You store 3 days worth of carbs in your body. This diet teaches your body to use up that extra stock. SOOO...if i cheat even one skittle. It will take 3 days to get back on track. THREE days, not bad but lets say i did it once a week for a month. thats 12 days. It adds up fast. With the amount of weight I'm trying to lose its ALREADY gonna take me a long time, so every day counts. Not to mention that Nick is paying for all the protien, food, and vitamins I have to take. One "oops" and he said he's not paying for it anymore. I'm not gonna test him.

The hardest part for me on cheating in this diet is, making food for the girls. Not to mention my birthday and Natalie's birthday coming up. Luckily it's more than a month away. I will have lost at least 20lbs by then and I think thats motivation to keep on going. 20 pounds is a third of the weight I want to lose.

I know this isn't going to be easy, and my will power is not the best, but here I am.. at day one.

LETS DO THIS!!!

2-16-11

....THE IDEAL PROTIEN DIET.....

lose weight fast, no exercise, feel great..... sounds like a gimick i know. And trust me I've tried them all! But i've heard AMAZING true facts about this diet. Its really expensive and you can get it from one of the few doctors around that participate in the program. But i'm doing it the cheap way. Lets hope it works. I'm doing my own protien brand that has similar properties to the "ideal" brand. I'm doing EVERYTHING you're supposed to do with it though, and even bought the supplements you have to take.

its gonna be hard. But we've calculated it out and in about 5 months I will have lost 60lbs to leave me at 130lbs.. sexy i know. You know even if it helps me lose 40lbs fast i'd be happy with that. i'd still look better than i do now. and i know i could lose the last 20 myself with diet and exercise. I'm doing this more for the FAST TRACK that they promise you. When this diet is done i can start exercising and becoming toned... There is a great looking person inside of me that is dying to get out.

the hardest part of this diet is the first phase. I have to stay on the first phase till i lose 90% of my total weight loss goal..... until i lose 54 pounds. thats a lot!!!! then the second phase i have to stay on till i lose the last 10% of my goal weight. the last two phases are reintroducing and maintaining. when i am done with all 4 phases i will just go back to eating healthy like i normally do, add some exercising and a splurge once a week and i'll be able to keep it off. Also after 5 months of not having these splurge items, i doubt i'll be dying to go back to eating all that crap.

Just the last couple days i've been eating all the bad foods i know i can't have anymore. And it has been making me sick. my stomach has been in knots and i've been all gassy. also the foods just dont taste right.

tomorrow is day one of phase one. wish me luck

2-9-2011

Yesturday I went PANTS shopping!!! Yes, I said it. The one thing EVERY girl/woman hates!! No matter the size you wear you still hate it. They fit your butt but not your waste. They dont look right with your shoes.. or shirts. You like a pair but the stiching and pockets are, eh, not too cute. Odd sizes, even sizes, tall, regular, petite, plus size, juniors, slim fit, relaxed fit, low rise, flair, wide leg, skinny, jeggings, boot cut.......COME ON!!!!! Then along with all these differet "types" of jeans they are completely different between brands. Don't even get me started on how the different colors of the jeans are different fits as well.

My current pants were just getting too big. I couldnt keep them up. nothing was working. I had no choice BUT to take the girls to the mall and just do it! I was in luck, Khols was having a killer sale on their jeans. 17.99!!!! My day got infinetly better... I was thinking, this is a good sign. So i grab two sizes...a 17 and a 15, my current jeans were a 16 (but they were old and well worn so probably stretched out a bunch).

I gave my self the benifit of the doubt and tried on the 17's. It was a disaster!!! WAY WAY WAY too big... AWESOME!!! So I tried on the 15's. They were a little snug as i pulled them up, so I got a little nervous. But when i buttoned them up they fit really good. Its been sooo long since i've had a pair of jeans fit me soooo well.

People don't understand how hard it is to shop for clothes when you are fat. Everything (even the xxl'x) are way too tight, they are made to fit smaller girls. You find something that is WAY cute and go to try it on and oh, there's all your fat for the world to see. UGGG!!! Nothing fits you right. The clothing industry thinks that cause you are a size 18 you are 6ft tall and only make that size in Talls! what. really. Or you have to spend double what the skinnier girls spend for a pair of jeans that are your size.

Being fat is in no way jolly, or fun. It isn't what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember being younger and going to the store with my dad and seeing a obessed person and telling my dad 'wow if i EVER weighed over 180lbs just shoot me!' Thankfully he did not shoot me when I reached that 180 nor did he shoot me when I went over 200. I'm embarrassed. Truely I am. And at almost 28 years old its really hard for me to loose the weight that only took me 3 months to put on.

Things will get better. They will change. I hope this summer I will look great in a bathing suit at the lake. That my confiedence will go up. Shopping will be easier. Going in public will be less of an axiety. I won't be embarrased when I run into people when I go to Bremerton or Silverdale.

What I don't get is that I don't have a lot of supporters. People I THOUGHT were friends. Its like when I got pregnant with natalie, my friends were non existant. The same thing is happening now. I know now who my TRUE friends are and I'd rather have 3 AMAZING friends then 20 half ass, fair weather friends. Nick and my friends are my biggest supporters.

Keep me in your thoughts as I continue my journey to be a healthier, prettier, skinner, happier me!!!

2-7-11

no weight loss to report. but none gained either. that is great news for me. i jsut have to remember.... i want 50 in a year...thtas like 4.1 lbs a month. i've lost TEN in january. so technically i'm WAY ahead of track!... and i anticipate losing about the same this month! just had to get through super bowl and a ufc fight.

had a really good work out today. thanks to my friend melanie for pushing me to go the whole 30 minutes! maybe tomorrow i can do 30 minutes again but 2.5 miles. maybe. we'll see. i have a long day tomorrow and i wont get to work out till late that night. probably wont even happen. i'm not gonna lie.

hopefully i get back on track and start losing more weight. i have to get a routine down and start working out in the mornings for when i start working again this summer. hopefully i can find a softball team to play on...or something. my friend wants me to do the indoor soccer thing and i dont think it will work out this season but it is something to look forward to for next season!

I"m gettting excited for the nice weather to come. cold is fine. its the sun i need. get the girls for walks to the lake. hopefully nick will buy me a NEW bike trailer and a new bike so natalie and i can ride bikes around maggie lake. i think everything will wokr itself out. i started taking vitamins so i cna build my immune system back up. i cant be getting sick anymore otherwise my butt will be parked on the couch

thank you everyone for your continued support and for reading my horrible writing

2-3-11

i think i'm in a funk...

...i really dont have the energy to work out and when i do i feel like i'm doing it half ass.

not sure what my deal is....i really dont want to look like i do forever

with natalie's cheer today i ran outta time to run. i need to get showered dressed, and dress the girls too.

tomorrow is a new day. tomorrow WILL be better, and i dont have to be at cheer until 630 instead of 430 like today. i'm gonna have to push myself really hard to work out this weekend. hopefully i get some support from nick on that. although its not his fault. i get lazy on the weekends. we always have somewhere to be. or something to do, and this weekend is no different.

on the positive note. i have NOT gained any weight. i have not lost any either :-( but it will all come soon enough. i have a year to lose 50lbs. (even if i dont want to take that WHOLE year)

i wanna be that girl

i wanna be that girl that guys wish they were with. i wanna walk through the mall and ppl think 'damn he's lucky" i want to be the girl that is seen at chuck e cheese and ppl say 'two kids!! wow she looks great.'

i wanna be the girl you wish you could be.

BUT i'm not. maybe one day. the choices i make are obvious i'm not really dedicated to my plan. maybe i'll feel different tomorrow.. maybe not. why does anyone care. you arent really following..... you dont have to be me. how could you possibly understand. Or why would you even care??? i might be overweight but 90% of the time i eat healthy and i work out. that should be enough. i kill myself over what YOU think.... nick loves me and always will no matter what ilook like.

1-29-11

FML!! first pizza at chuck e cheese. which was okay cause i choose good all day. and i though okay a few ribs for dinner not bad. and now i'm two drinks in hating myself. and why!?! peer pressure. cause i want to look good but give in to other ppl making me feel like i should drink cause its "only once in a great while" that i do drink!. No more. if you dont drink, or dont care if i do or dont (cause i can have fun without it) then you are who i want to hang out with.

1-28-11 part 2

amazing workout! 2 mile run! felt great. i think i'm doing a good job! i'm determined and almost obsessed with reaching my goal. going to red robin for dinner with nick....hopefully i make the right choices there :-/

1-28=11

so its friday!

i weighed in and i'm only at 190. i know i didnt meet my goal, but i think i did really good. i feel good. and thats really all that matters. i've worked out all week and i worked out hard. I've eaten really good too. so i'm still happy with the results. I'd rather only lose 1lb than gain anything right... i know its gonna be a long struggle. but making the right choices is going ot get me there.

last night we went to a friends house. I had a beer and instantly regretted it! They dont list nutritional facts on Mikes harder lemonaide, but i googled it and i am shocked!!! 400cal and 44 carbs!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! thats INSANE!!! i'm DONE. not sure why i even drank it in the first place. If it had the nutritional information on the bottle i NEVER would have drank it!

I did good at dinner though. they had chicken and steak stir fry and rice. i had like a spoon full (not like a serving spoon full but like the kind you'd eat your cereal with) and i only got the chicken and veggies. so that was good! doesnt make up for the insane amount of calories in ONE mikes harder drink. I'm SOOO done drinking those. No wonder i gained 20lbs back this summer. FRICK!!! i'm sooo mad at myself. But i'm over it. i've learned my lesson. Not to mention the headache i got a couple hours after i drank it.

better luck next week! lol. I"m doing better every day. so that good

1-25-11

My goal for the week.

No more cheating. No more taking bites of the girls food. NO MORE! I have to be strict. No more popcorn at night either. it just makes me want soda. I dont see why I can't just go to bed after the girls. Why must I stay up for hours on end watching movies. I just get bored and want to eat. I dont smoke, or drink (thought i'd try wine but it was a bust I really dont like drinking). so the only thing i can do when i'm bored or stressed is eat.

I am going to try my hardest all week and I am hoping I can make it to 188 by friday. this morning i weighed 191 so its only 3 pounds. Not too bad. I think its do-able. If I try really hard i Might even make it to 186 (5lb loss) THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. that would only leave me with 38lbs to go!!! I think I've been doing really well! To me I dont look any smaller. but nick said he's noticed it. (not sure if he's just being nice But i'll take it HAHAHA). I really want to go shopping. Really bad. ANd there is this pink skirt that I want to be able to wear on my birthday in march. It was one that I wore on Nick and I's first date. I think it will be nice to wear again concidering I bought it at american eagle for 40 bucks!!!!! and could only wear it for like 3 months! I have so many nice clothes that i can fit into. Not to mention a whole chest full at my parents. Nice clothes i used to spend tons of money on! you know back when i THOUGHT i was fat. Ha, i never thought the day would come that i would WISH i was that size! oh geez, now i've started rambling. NEver said i was a good writer! lol!! thanks for reading if you still are....

This week is gonna be hard though. but i really want to loose the 5lbs. I'm still sick (coughing, runny nose) but every day i get better. wish me luck! and dont tempt me with delicious foods!

1-24-11 part 2

OHH ice cream, how I hate thee!!! especially chocolate ice cream with chocolate swirls and little pieces of chocolate covered peanut butter!!!! I hated every little delicious bite i took.

Nick comes home with 2 gallons of ice cream and a small one for natalie. I say "babe are you serious!!! wth!!!" he tells me "you dont have to eat it"

oh okay! sure. no i'll just let it sit in the freezer chanting my name...spring, spring, spring...tell i finally give in. He knows the kinds i dont like. the minty kinds. the ones he DOES like. so he could have just got 2 of the mint stuff...but no. i'm on my period and he gets something super chocolatey!!!

But as i'm dishing myself up this bowl of chocolatey sin i say to myself. well i had a good dinner. and BAM!!! it hits me. thats my problem. "today will be my cheat day" "its just one scoop" "just a couple bites wont hurt" But they do. I give myself excuses for failure.

But this is it. seriously. i'm done. this always happens. i get going really good and i think then its okay to loosen up a little. then i gain 3lbs and wonder why??? DUH!!! i can't have a cheat day till i meet my goal. Bottom line. and just cause its a weekend i stil lneed to work out and eat good. the excuses stop now! right now. after i have this candy bar. no i'm kidding. we dont have candy LOL!!

wish me luck

1-24-11

I didnt have the best workout today.. I'll blame it on still being sick. LOL. But at least I got back on after being so sick. It shouldnt take long to get myself back to a routine. Now if only I could find a way to keep Natalie from bugging me.

saturday

Weighed myself Saturday morning and was SHOCKED. 190lbs now! AMAZING.

I ate a good healthy breakfast. But by the time we got to Bremerton I was STARVING. So we went to Kings Wok buffet in silverdale! I started out good. I couldnt find the fried shrimp I love sooo much. So i picked something with shrimp in it with vegitables. Not to bad. Then from my table I noticed they put out a fresh batch of my shrimp. It was sooo delicious!

But I paid for it all day! The fried greasyness of it made me feel gross all day. It made my stomach knot up. And it made me sweat all day. I figured....its okay. I'll just make some chicken tonight for dinner. We stopped in belfair on the way home cause I needed some fire starter and Nick decided we should have some nice steaks for dinner and some wine. Okay. So today will just be my cheat day. And I finished it off with some ice cream.

Not the best idea on a day that I had realized I lost a bunch of weight. But I think it should be okay. Tomorrow I should be able to work out. That plus eating right will put me back on track. Natalie will start going to preschool again on Tuesday and I should be able to get a good walk in with a few friends or by myself then I can come home have lunch and get a great workout in while chloe sleeps.

I know I can do this. I'm determined to do this!!! I dont think a cheat day every now and again is too bad. At least it was fried shrimp and not french fries with a big mac right. LOL!!! oh well. I'm gonna have days where I slip up. I love to eat. I like to eat real FOOD. Pork ribs, and fatty ribeye steaks, potatoes and rice. Its all about portion.

I'm kinda excited to get back to working out. The flu SUCKED!!! I'm excited to see what next sunday's weigh in will bring. my jean are already falling off of me. (very uncomfortable)

my bff

only when you are losing weight is the scale your best friend! Although I have not had a chance to work out since last Thursday because I have the flu, I have managed to continue to lose weight. Pretty exciting.

so jan 5th i weighed 198 and today jan 21 i am at 193. yay me. 5lbs. 45lbs more to go! i'm hoping i can not only meet my goal for the year but my goal for august 2012. it will be nice to try on wedding dresses and BE the size i want to be for my wedding!!! PLUS...summer is coming. everyone we know has pools, and I live on the best lake in tayuha! I have a couple bathing suits I got from a shipper that I really want to fit into this summer. I'll have to get them back from my friend but I told her to begin with that I was hoping to fit into them. I want to look better than I did last summer. I dont want any of my summer clothes I bought last year to fit me. Also I will be working all summer so that will help! packing ppls HOT houses. burn off a bunch of water weight. Not to mention all the bbq foods. eh.

Being sick I still tried to eat healthy. But, eating at all was a major fight.

Now it is the weekend. I'm still feeling like garbage, but i think i can get in my upper and lower toning, and my abs. I can try right. Maybe even try to run a little. WE'LL SEE!!

I hate being sick, and I am going to start taking a multi-vitamin and hope my immune system gets back to where it used to be.

helllo!!

is anyone even reading my blog.

feeling not so good

my lack of appetite has definetly helped me lose a couple pounds. but it didnt come without a cost. my stomach is in knots from all the drainage. Not sure what to eat. I know I should eat, but its hard when nothing looks or sounds good. I'm trying really hard to stay away from the top ramen. I might give in today though. Only having small "chloe size" portions for dinner the last two days is not enough. Definetly NOT working out today. I'm going to try to lay on the couch all day.

On the positive side my van should be fixed today. Looking forward to that!

for sharon :)

i haven't posted anything in a while, not cause i have given up, but because i have not done anything.

since friday i have felt not myself. i thought it was because on thursday i went out with a friend. although i only had one drink, getting home at 1 and not sleeping till 2am, and waking up at 5am makes me feel like poop! lack of sleep always makes my body ache. so on saturday when i STILL felt sore i thought okay i'm just old and it takes me longer to recover from not getting enough sleep.

i was up late saturday doing some decluttering of the house, i thought i was feeling better.

NOPE!

about midnight i was uncontrollably shivering. i was sooo cold to the bone. i had thermals, comfy fuzzy socks, tank top long sleeve shirt, a thick comforter, AND our down comforter doubled on me and i was still shivering. (oh and the heater was turned up as high as it could go). i finally warmed up. yeah not as good as you think. i warmed up to a 103 degree fever. i was burning up.. when i tried to uncover i would be frozen! oh man i thought to myself I'm really sick. what the heck did i catch. on top of it all i couldnt breathe through my nose and my cough was hurting my chest. poor nick didnt get any sleep either. i had that room like a sauna and i was tossing and turning all night.

so sunday you can tell what i did....yep, laid in bed till nick got home with the girls. then sat on the couch.

today, started out the same way. muscles sore. just miserable. but as i got moving i felt better. and now i feel great. maybe a small nasel congestion. nothign that some sudafed can't fix.

but i still dont have an appetite, and am definetly NOT running today!

Tomorrow i am going to try to work out and maybe do a light jog. you know it never fails that i start getting good with eating healthy and getting a good work out routine down and i get sick. last year i was doing 9 minute miles and i'd do 2 miles. then the next day....BAM!!! i got the flu. it was horrible. throwing up 24 hours straight. then for 3 weeks i just ate whatever i could stomach. on top of that we all got it AT SEPERATE TIMES (except chloe). and again after that i was doing good, then broncitis....

now anyone that knows me knows i NEVER get sick. but it seems that since i had chloe i've been sick almost every other month. but she hasnt gotten sick other than twice.

we'll see, tomorrow is another day. and if i stay busy and positive i know i can make this cold go away quickly

day 1

its weird saying day one... cause i already had and messed up day 1. oh well i call a mulligan.

but i have done pretty good today. only did a mile on the treadmill but i will be out dancing with carly tonight so that should count for something. i'm still a sahm first. and i have chores and laundry to get done along with spending some time with the girls.

still havent weighed in or measured. but i will do that later. shower and chores. can't wait for tonight. so much fun.

starting over

i have failed....i have been working out everyday but eating...i have been sucking!!! not too proud of that.

but now i went grocery shopping, i have food, and snacks, and dinners. now it should be easier. i have my spiral notebook when i right down what i eat. i have my food counter book sitting right on top of that. i'm ready to do this....properly.

so i'm gonna start over. now i'm gonna have to work harder to reach my goal, but i think i can do it this time. i saw myself in the produce mirror yesturday at safeway and....yuck. i dont know why thats not enough to make me work at getting to my goal. it should. gross and ppl see me like that. eh!

well here it goes!

(i'll weigh in and measure later this afternoon, thursdays will be my new weigh in day)

1-11-11

my body is on fire, my shins feel like they are going to break in half but i not only met my goal but i beat it!!!!

27 min at 4.5mph...2 minutes 5.5mph and walked 3 minutes. 2.12 miles 359 cal, 112 fat

yay me!

AND the girls are still sleeping. so i can even get into the shower before they wake up

01-11-11 goal

okay because i am feeling really motivated i'm going to make my running goal for today.

gonna do 30 minutes. 20 minutes at my comfortable pace of 4.5 and then 3 minutes at 6mph. and hopefully the last 7 minutes at intervals from 4.5 to 6mph.

wish me luck. gonna watch mulan and run. i know that as soon as i start running chloe will wake up and then it will be all over. but here's to trying

i dont wanna

i really dont want to work out today. these girls have been running me ragged all day. i'm already all dressed to do it but will i actually go through with it.....

i sure hope so.

not sure if i'm gonna set myself a goal today. i'm hoping both girls take a nap today after lunch. i haven't been losing any weight and i'm getting frustrated. but its my fault. i'm not doing it right. hopefully we can get some groceries tomorrow.

round 2

so i got back on and ran another mile after dinner. i could have ran farther if i didnt just eat a slice and a half of pizza and some salad. eh my stomach was full. but at least i did it.

today sucked

i got motivated pretty quick and did all my work out just fine..

till i got to the treadmill...

i swear chloe is the best sleeper ever UNTIL i plug in the treadmill. everytime i do she wakes up. i dont know what her deal is. today i had to get off cause she was screaming. usually i'll just finish my workout while she plays in her crib but not today. brat had to sc\ream and i was only 6 minutes into it

hopefully i can try again when nick gets home....hopefully. we're stuck here tonight so nothing else to do.

the weekend

I did horrible this weekend. Saturday i started out really good. nick made me some good breakfast and packed the girls and i some lunch. then i went to the baby showers. chips and dips, and cake. oh man. cheese and crackers and meat. oh my.

i think i did pretty good. snacked on some chips at the first one, and olives and some chees on the second.

by the time i was done i was tired. i had moved my entire storage unit by myself.

dinner we had cheese quesidillas! ABSOLUTELY NOT GOOD. probably in one quesidilla i had enough calories as i do in one day. okay i thought put chloe to bed, clean up a bit and watch a movie with natalie have a little popcorn and wait till the nick gets home from the game.

they came home with ice cream and hot fudge. So i had a bowl. :-(

sunday, i started out with oatmeal from mcdonalds. JUST AS BAD AS A SAUSAGE MCMUFFIN just twice as much carbs. yeah i said that. it had 370 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, and 57 carbs!!! holy cow. I couldnt believe it.

well its okay, i was going to cabelas and we usually walk around there for a few hours so that will be good.

we had lunch at cabelas. mushroom swiss burger and fries. (dummy) i ate it all! why oh why did i have to do that. then topped it off with ice cream and popcorn.

but ice cream is all gone (so is the fudge) and all the popcorn is gone too. (i really dont need that much salt so late at night). its monday and its a new start right. lets hope so!!

now that its snowing i'm gonna have a hard time getting the motivation to work out. and i promised natalie i'd take her out when chloe is sleeping...which is when i work out. so we'll see how today goes.

since i didnt work out all weekend my muscles have rested and i'm going to be dragging butt in my work out today.

stress=eating

today has been rough.....the girls have been at each other all day. everytime i get things picked up they come through and dvds are everywhere the table is scattered with coloring stuff. and little things are everywhere!

on top of that i went to silverdale. left my hosue at 7 and got home at 930 and the house was a mess. sso now i have to clean that up too.

yet....

food, like chips and cheese dip are at my reach and i wanna just junk out and destress.

instead i'll spend the next hour cleaning what i can without waking the girls..... then eat some popcorn and watch a movie. blah. maybe i'll feel better then!

day 5 workout complete

30:04 (min:sec) 2.04 miles, 339 calories, 106 fat, only 3 minutes to warm up and cool down total. i did 20 minutes again at 4.5 and the rest was a combination of running a minute at 6.0mph then back to 4.5 then to 5.5 ect......three minutes was too much

but the good news is i doubled how many miles i ran from monday. my goal is to be able to run from my house to the begining of maggie lake and back this summer. we'll see...i dont run very well in hot weather. it might have to on a rainy hot day. we'll see. definetly gonna have to invest in a new bike this summer and a new bike trailer. oh and a bike for nick too.

i'm excited at my progress.

a little early

I have an obsession with the scale! Really I do! I can't stay off of it. I weight myself everytime I go to the bathroom.... pretty bad I know. I'm going to give nick the battery out of it on monday so I can't look.

BUT.....

I've already lost 2lbs this week. so i am at 196.4. And this is with just portioning the foods i've been eating and working out. Monday I will have all the groceries I need for eating healthy all day long. (just had to wait till payday to grocery shop) Then the calorie/fat/carb counting will start. I better dig my food scale out of the pantry....eh.

If I ALREADY after 4 days lost 2lbs and thats with eating beef and chips, and a bite of natalie's ice cream. I think I can do my 50 in a year. HELL I may even be able to do my full 65 that I wanted to lose....which would bring me to a cute 133! well 135 is fine too! lol. And if I can get down that low, i'll be as small as I was in 8th grade! So about 14 years ago!

Not that the number is as important as jsut looking good and being fit and healthy. You know if i dont reach a size 6 or 135lbs, i'll be okay with that. I've had two kids and with chloe I definetly felt my hips spread! but we'll see. I've seen ppl do it.

Here's the hardest part. I posted my weight loss and I am extremly happy abnout it BUT... once ppl start telling me wow you look great or great job I lose all motivation. I think eh....ppl are saying i look good i can slack a little

Help me to not slack. That is what I am asking my followers to do. HELP ME TO NOT SLACK. maybe be creative and encorageing. probably doesnt make much sense but....Just do it okay lol!!!

Just so I dont have to post again my goal on the treadmill today is 20 minutes running at 4.5 and 3 minutes at 6mph. Now when I say 20 minutes running you have to add 5 minutes for the warm up and cool down. so today I should be on the treadmill for 28 minutes total!

thankfully dinner is easy.... turkey meat ball subs. No cheese on mine and only one side of the bun. Eh well maybe just a sprinkle of cheese!!! maybe not. geez its only 730 am and i'm already fighting myself about cheese at dinner time!!!! this might be a long day

its done

k everyone!! I DID IT! 20 minutes. and it wasnt that bad. once i found my pace.

the results are
21:02 (min:sec) 1.5 miles, 255 calories, 80 fat, at 4.5 mph. the last two minutes i ran at 6mph. that was hard!

i think i did pretty good. i'm not sure how exact the cal/fat counter is on a treadmil but whatever. it gives me hope. i wanna get back up to when i was burning 500 calories JUST ON THE TREADMILL. not counting my weights and crunches before hand. now if someone would please just take my scale out of my house. that would be great. i'm gonna have ot get nick to take the battery to work with him. checking everyday is not working

YAY i have 2 followers now. i'm not the best writer and i am very certain my puncutaion and speling are all off! lol. thank you carly for following me. i wanted to thank you too for the workout video. its simple and easy to do so it keeps me going everyday.

can i do it???

twenty minutes of running. first my weights and crunches. then the dreaded treadmil. I'll post back with the results.

lets see if this blog thing works. if it can push me to do my goal for the day. I cant lie. i have to tell you the truth (my one follower!) hopefully this will push me the extra push i need

breakfast

Until I can go grocery shopping, I get the unexciting OATMEAL....Not the exciting oatmeal in the delicious packets, or even the ones where the dinosaur eggs melt....

NO i bet plain nasty oatmeal. I try to choke it down with some sugar free syrup in it. I know I just can't skip breakfast so i'm stuck with

OATMEAL.

Gotta go. If I dont eat it quick it gets cold, and nastier. And the quicker I eat it the less I think about the taste!

the goal

My goal isn't too bad. Hopefully by august 2012 (the wedding) I will be a cute 130lbs. But lets be realistic. lets start with my goal for the year.

50lbs.....Not to bad right. Even saying it it sounds like nothing. But as i know from previous experiences with weight loss....its a long, tough, emotional journey.

If i stock my house with the right foods....and force myself everyday to work out....I should be able to reach my goal.

my current weight (jsut got off the scale everyone) is 198lbs. 50lbs will get me at 148...smallest i've been in probably 17 years. HONESTLY.

because i'm not rich...I cant just throw out the foods currently in the house. Nor can I rush right out and stock up on the healthier foods i used to eat. I have to wait till payday and until the foods we have are gone. Luckily i still managed through all the junk i was eating to keep around the essentials like fat free mayonase and sugar free coffee creamer, fruits and veggies. I dont let the kids eat junk snacks so things like fruit snacks and chips never make it into the house much.

My calorie restriction everyday is 1200cal. and my fat is 20 and my carbs is about 40. its hard. but i noticed if i have the right foods at home I am full and still dont reach my cut offs.

the hard part is snacking before bed..... i love a good snack after the girls are sleeping and i'm watching tv. thats been my hardest part. Living in belfair you only have soo many choices for fast food. and as much as i love a good big mac.....it gets old. that part wont be hard.

monday i start my strict eating. and i've already started working out. man am i sore. i forgot how hard it was to get started everyday.

i got this blog idea from a friend and i hope it works for me. I dont have much support through friends cause none of them work out. or eat right. eating at home doesnt mean you are eating healthy....thats another thing i learned when i got my total food counter. you have no idea how bad your homemade food is till you start adding it up!!!!

wish me luck and hopefully this will keep me focased. i cant afford weight watchers and there isnt a gym way up where i live. :-(

the story

In high school I used to think I was fat. Grossly fat at that. Never had a boyfriend. No guys even looked at me that way. Looking back at pictures i realize I LOOKED GREAT. Especially now that I am just that...FAT!

I wish I could say that I have some sort of excuse....i've had two kids with in 3 years...or I was stressed....nope. none of that is the truth.

After high school I started having fun. Guys started to like me more. Parties were ALWAYS at MY house. I was the popular one. I felt good.

Then I got tired of the guys, and the parties. Still managed to keep my same weight of 170 throughout all of this. Even through job corp i managed to keep up my metabolism.

Then I met NICK. Not to say its all his fault....but thats when it all started. We both worked nights and would get off work at 11 and eat at the only place in bremerton open that late...JACK IN THE BOX. Or we would have dinner late, like dinner dinner, that most ppl would have at about 5 or 6...we were eating that at 11pm-midnight some nights. Then we would go to sleep. NOT a good combination. Not to mention I worked at a convience store where chips and sodas were only but a reach away.

Within a quick 3 months I put on 50 POUNDS!!!! Without having a scale I had no idea. None of my clothes were fitting but i just thought. well I just put on a few pounds not that big of a deal. It wasnt till I was TRYING to get dressed for a coctail christmas party one of my friends was having that i realized HOLY SHIT....NOTHING F'ING FITS ME!!! Lets just say that was the worst party I've ever been too. Not because she threw a horrible party...oh no. i was the only one NOT dressed up! And I could have sworn if I bent over i was going to blow a hole through the only pair of pants that fit me.

I went shopping found some clothes that fit and went on with my life. We moved and I started going to school again. During finals week I stayed at my cousins house cause it was easier to get to classes. WELL she had a scale. NOT GOOD!!!

So my big butt got on the scale and thinking....well i think i only gained like 10lbs....was shocked to find myself at 205!!! holy cow!!! I cried the whole way home.....after some comforting from nick I started taking OXYCUT. The one WITH caffine. And I ate once a day. like crackers. Not a meal.... Well as most crash diets work.....it didnt. I got headaches and was tired all the time....THEN.

someone had some "cheatin chicken" (banquet fried chicken you just put in the oven) my fav!!! and I gave in and ate SOOO much food. I realized then I loved food. I love to eat. I like ice cream and chocolate and fast foods and fried goods!! How was I ever going to lose all this weight.

I would see myself in pictures and say gross. I can't believe I let myself get this way. yeah its just 50 from where I was before, but I was technically already overweight and wanted to lose 40lbs when I weight 170. How the hell was I going to lose close to 100!!!! holy cow!

THEN.... baby makes 3.

On top of my already gaining weight I had a baby that NEEDED to be fed. geez!! was this cycle ever going to end! So I did really good. i was eating 5 times a day. not eating out. veggies for snacks....then someone brought over some oreos. I remember like it was yesturday... I put them in the garage while nick was at work so I wouldnt see them....But as I sat there all I could think about was dipping those delicious double stuffed (did i mention they were the chocolate icing ones) into a tall glass of milk. Well there went the eating healthy part. The baby wanted REAL foods!!!

Along with all my clothes not fitting I had to hear the doctor say I was gaining too much weight. And that was when I was only 5 months. I thought OH NO...how much fatter am i going to get by month 10!!! Luckily I gained only 30lbs with her and within a month IT WAS GONE!

Great now back to my original weight problem. 50lbs. how to lose that. well having a baby, and house chores, and a full time job working till 10 and an hour commute one way didnt exactly make me want to rush home to the treadmill. (which i didnt have) so you can see where my problem was! Also the ppl I was around didnt work out. much less care what they looked like. so why should I.

Ignoring my weight problem seemed to be the easy route. then October 2007 I saw a picture of me with nick and my little baby natalie. I WAS HUGE!!!! So I was on a mission then. I went for walks and tried to not gorge myself with food cause of stress and exhaustion. That didnt work. Luckily I can honestly say that onced i reached 200lbs...thats where i stayed.

I was living in bremerton and just minutes from the YMCA...so I saved up what I could and thought when the YMCA does their disounts at the new year i'll join. Man, I thought, this is it. I had the money ready and thought okay thanksgiving and christmas i'm gonna get what I can then I"m done.

Missed period. SHIT!!! here we go again. I was so excited for the gym that the disappointment that I would have to wait yet another year of being FAT before I can work out, over took the excitement of my precious chloe bear. When I guilt free had my first oreo shake the excitement finally came back

Again with chloe as I did with natalie..I gained 30lbs.....This time it was gone within weeks!! I felt Great. Not like with natalie. I was tired after delivery. Just plain exhausted. With chloe I felt alive. Until I had to juggle a 2 and a half year old and a nursing newborn. Wow was I tired. luckily i ate decent while nursing. But still managed to GAIN 10lbs...

Yes I said it! One of the few UNLUCKY ppl that gain weight while nursing. Which i thought was weird.....cause I wasnt eating bad. I was actually being healthy cause the baby needed healthy milk not milk full of CRAP.

Thanksgiving 2009 I weighed myself at nicks brothers house and it ruined my night. Do you know how hard it is to eat delicious holiday fatty foods after weighing yourself. I was done. I had to do something. FAST. so i asked for advice and got on a program.

also I got engaged that december and was supposed to get married this august 2011. There was NO WAY you'd see my fat ass walk down the aisle weighing no more than 140 MAX!!!

I was good, i ate good. 5 times a day. healthy low calorie low carb low fat foods. Even natalie started to thin out. (not that she was fat but eating healthy benefited her as well). I FELT AMAZING!!! I was running 9 minute miles, i was getting down in size. It was AWESOME....

Then NAtalie got the flu. then I got the flu.....Talk about horrible. 24 hours of straight puking followed by a month of knots in your stomach. I ate WHATEVER I could. I still worked out but being sick made me tired. On top of all that.....my milk dried, when i took a prescription to help it come back, chloe didnt want it anymore....So now my boobs were the size of bowling balls and it hurt to run! great anouther excuse! but when all was done i got back on and started losing weight again. i was down to 182.....OH MY GOODNESS!! i was sooooo excited. I was fitting into all my clothes. in fact they were falling off. SO i gave away all my fat clothes. got them OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! never again will i wear those! and then my skinny clothes started to fall of me. And just in time. if i kept it up i would look amazing by summer! maybe even lower than my original goal of 170 by 8-18-10 (chloe's 1st birthday).

well things happened like they always do. we had to move in with nicks dad. then chloe natalie and i all got broncitus VERY bad. Have you ever tried to run with broncitus. not to mention after you and your poor 8 month old were coughing all night. Doesnt last very long (5 minutes to be exact) Fuck!

when that was finally over we were moving into our new place in tahuya, got everything in place and started swimming with the girls at the lake. which is probably the only reason i didnt get super fat. it took 1 month to gain back the 20 i had worked soooo hard to lose. then.....

I broke my toe. I thought running with broncitus was bad....WALKING or even having the blanket touch my toe while i was sleeping was so painful that i sat my butt on the couch and waited for it to stop hurting.

Now....we're at the present day. No more excuses. chloe is over a year old and natalie is almost 4. I've put this off for long enough.

I know I can do it. I did it a year ago...but I didnt stick with it. I would eat sooo good then gorge out on the weekends on nick and adams bbq...i couldnt help it. I didnt portion. I would eat the pork ribs like i haven't eaten in weeks....so i was counter acting what i was working sooo hard all week for.

This time it will be different. IF I eat their bbq its gonna be in portions. A peice than i'm done.

I the type that loves fruit and veggies....but put some salty chips in front of me and i'll choose that any day.