the story

In high school I used to think I was fat. Grossly fat at that. Never had a boyfriend. No guys even looked at me that way. Looking back at pictures i realize I LOOKED GREAT. Especially now that I am just that...FAT!

I wish I could say that I have some sort of excuse....i've had two kids with in 3 years...or I was stressed....nope. none of that is the truth.

After high school I started having fun. Guys started to like me more. Parties were ALWAYS at MY house. I was the popular one. I felt good.

Then I got tired of the guys, and the parties. Still managed to keep my same weight of 170 throughout all of this. Even through job corp i managed to keep up my metabolism.

Then I met NICK. Not to say its all his fault....but thats when it all started. We both worked nights and would get off work at 11 and eat at the only place in bremerton open that late...JACK IN THE BOX. Or we would have dinner late, like dinner dinner, that most ppl would have at about 5 or 6...we were eating that at 11pm-midnight some nights. Then we would go to sleep. NOT a good combination. Not to mention I worked at a convience store where chips and sodas were only but a reach away.

Within a quick 3 months I put on 50 POUNDS!!!! Without having a scale I had no idea. None of my clothes were fitting but i just thought. well I just put on a few pounds not that big of a deal. It wasnt till I was TRYING to get dressed for a coctail christmas party one of my friends was having that i realized HOLY SHIT....NOTHING F'ING FITS ME!!! Lets just say that was the worst party I've ever been too. Not because she threw a horrible party...oh no. i was the only one NOT dressed up! And I could have sworn if I bent over i was going to blow a hole through the only pair of pants that fit me.

I went shopping found some clothes that fit and went on with my life. We moved and I started going to school again. During finals week I stayed at my cousins house cause it was easier to get to classes. WELL she had a scale. NOT GOOD!!!

So my big butt got on the scale and thinking....well i think i only gained like 10lbs....was shocked to find myself at 205!!! holy cow!!! I cried the whole way home.....after some comforting from nick I started taking OXYCUT. The one WITH caffine. And I ate once a day. like crackers. Not a meal.... Well as most crash diets work.....it didnt. I got headaches and was tired all the time....THEN.

someone had some "cheatin chicken" (banquet fried chicken you just put in the oven) my fav!!! and I gave in and ate SOOO much food. I realized then I loved food. I love to eat. I like ice cream and chocolate and fast foods and fried goods!! How was I ever going to lose all this weight.

I would see myself in pictures and say gross. I can't believe I let myself get this way. yeah its just 50 from where I was before, but I was technically already overweight and wanted to lose 40lbs when I weight 170. How the hell was I going to lose close to 100!!!! holy cow!

THEN.... baby makes 3.

On top of my already gaining weight I had a baby that NEEDED to be fed. geez!! was this cycle ever going to end! So I did really good. i was eating 5 times a day. not eating out. veggies for snacks....then someone brought over some oreos. I remember like it was yesturday... I put them in the garage while nick was at work so I wouldnt see them....But as I sat there all I could think about was dipping those delicious double stuffed (did i mention they were the chocolate icing ones) into a tall glass of milk. Well there went the eating healthy part. The baby wanted REAL foods!!!

Along with all my clothes not fitting I had to hear the doctor say I was gaining too much weight. And that was when I was only 5 months. I thought OH NO...how much fatter am i going to get by month 10!!! Luckily I gained only 30lbs with her and within a month IT WAS GONE!

Great now back to my original weight problem. 50lbs. how to lose that. well having a baby, and house chores, and a full time job working till 10 and an hour commute one way didnt exactly make me want to rush home to the treadmill. (which i didnt have) so you can see where my problem was! Also the ppl I was around didnt work out. much less care what they looked like. so why should I.

Ignoring my weight problem seemed to be the easy route. then October 2007 I saw a picture of me with nick and my little baby natalie. I WAS HUGE!!!! So I was on a mission then. I went for walks and tried to not gorge myself with food cause of stress and exhaustion. That didnt work. Luckily I can honestly say that onced i reached 200lbs...thats where i stayed.

I was living in bremerton and just minutes from the YMCA...so I saved up what I could and thought when the YMCA does their disounts at the new year i'll join. Man, I thought, this is it. I had the money ready and thought okay thanksgiving and christmas i'm gonna get what I can then I"m done.

Missed period. SHIT!!! here we go again. I was so excited for the gym that the disappointment that I would have to wait yet another year of being FAT before I can work out, over took the excitement of my precious chloe bear. When I guilt free had my first oreo shake the excitement finally came back

Again with chloe as I did with natalie..I gained 30lbs.....This time it was gone within weeks!! I felt Great. Not like with natalie. I was tired after delivery. Just plain exhausted. With chloe I felt alive. Until I had to juggle a 2 and a half year old and a nursing newborn. Wow was I tired. luckily i ate decent while nursing. But still managed to GAIN 10lbs...

Yes I said it! One of the few UNLUCKY ppl that gain weight while nursing. Which i thought was weird.....cause I wasnt eating bad. I was actually being healthy cause the baby needed healthy milk not milk full of CRAP.

Thanksgiving 2009 I weighed myself at nicks brothers house and it ruined my night. Do you know how hard it is to eat delicious holiday fatty foods after weighing yourself. I was done. I had to do something. FAST. so i asked for advice and got on a program.

also I got engaged that december and was supposed to get married this august 2011. There was NO WAY you'd see my fat ass walk down the aisle weighing no more than 140 MAX!!!

I was good, i ate good. 5 times a day. healthy low calorie low carb low fat foods. Even natalie started to thin out. (not that she was fat but eating healthy benefited her as well). I FELT AMAZING!!! I was running 9 minute miles, i was getting down in size. It was AWESOME....

Then NAtalie got the flu. then I got the flu.....Talk about horrible. 24 hours of straight puking followed by a month of knots in your stomach. I ate WHATEVER I could. I still worked out but being sick made me tired. On top of all that.....my milk dried, when i took a prescription to help it come back, chloe didnt want it anymore....So now my boobs were the size of bowling balls and it hurt to run! great anouther excuse! but when all was done i got back on and started losing weight again. i was down to 182.....OH MY GOODNESS!! i was sooooo excited. I was fitting into all my clothes. in fact they were falling off. SO i gave away all my fat clothes. got them OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! never again will i wear those! and then my skinny clothes started to fall of me. And just in time. if i kept it up i would look amazing by summer! maybe even lower than my original goal of 170 by 8-18-10 (chloe's 1st birthday).

well things happened like they always do. we had to move in with nicks dad. then chloe natalie and i all got broncitus VERY bad. Have you ever tried to run with broncitus. not to mention after you and your poor 8 month old were coughing all night. Doesnt last very long (5 minutes to be exact) Fuck!

when that was finally over we were moving into our new place in tahuya, got everything in place and started swimming with the girls at the lake. which is probably the only reason i didnt get super fat. it took 1 month to gain back the 20 i had worked soooo hard to lose. then.....

I broke my toe. I thought running with broncitus was bad....WALKING or even having the blanket touch my toe while i was sleeping was so painful that i sat my butt on the couch and waited for it to stop hurting.

Now....we're at the present day. No more excuses. chloe is over a year old and natalie is almost 4. I've put this off for long enough.

I know I can do it. I did it a year ago...but I didnt stick with it. I would eat sooo good then gorge out on the weekends on nick and adams bbq...i couldnt help it. I didnt portion. I would eat the pork ribs like i haven't eaten in weeks....so i was counter acting what i was working sooo hard all week for.

This time it will be different. IF I eat their bbq its gonna be in portions. A peice than i'm done.

I the type that loves fruit and veggies....but put some salty chips in front of me and i'll choose that any day.