FAILED!
that is the word of the month....failed, failure..whatever. I dont know what even started getting me to cheat but i did. I was driving home from a long day in tacoma with a cooked pizza in my car for nick. and then i just started eating it. WTF!!!! well i cheated that night and then the next day.. i have issues. but my stomach was sooo over full i felt 9 months pregnant. I vowed never to do it again and back on the diet i went. not too bad though i ended up loosing all the weight i gained in about 4 days.
Then i did it again. WTF all over again. this time it was for 2 days. then i got right back on hte diet and lost the 20lbs i gained in about 4 days....
THEN we went camping....and i did it again this time it was like a 5 day binge. wth is wrong wiht me. and its not like i eat a little here a little there. no i eat and eat and eat and eat....gained baout 25lbs over that weekend and again lost it all in about 4 days.
see the pattern....in my head i think okay well its the weekend i'll cheat and in about 4 days i'll be back down to my sexy 131. but i forget about how miserable i am coming off a cheating binge. the lack of sugar makes me bitchy! and all i think about is well i can start again tomorrow, or its okay all the weight will be gone in about 4 days. it doesnt matter. i need to think the other way. i need off this diet and i need to stay focused!
i have a bridal shower in about a week and a half and i want to look cute, also chloes birthday is coming up soon and i want ppl to see how different i look from natalie's party. then that following weekend nick and i are going to his cousins wedding in oregon and i have a very cute dress (size 5) that i want to look great in!! plus i am trying to save up to go to arizona ot see my brothers...and thats hot heat and i'm not wearing jeans and a t'shirt. all these things should motivate me. SHOULD. but yet again every weekend i'm stuffing my fat face with anything i can.
the reason i havent blogged is cause i was embarrased by my lack of self control. i was doing sooo good. i was in a small tank top and size 5 jeans. i was sooo happy when i bought those clothes...then i cheated. FAILURE!!! i only have one more goal...120lbs...then i'm done with this diet and back to eating and exercising. i honestly can't wait either.
the thing that i dont get is why do i cheat when eating doesnt make me feel good at all.. i get headaches from the sugars, and i get sooo swollen from the water weight. its uncomfortable. not to mention my digestive issues it brings.
well here i am. back at day 1 week 1....i have a fridge full of veggies and i'm not wavering this time. wish me luck.
