Lets face it. i've failed this diet! the fat girl inside me wanted out. i'm back up to 150 and i can't go a day without cheating. what is my problem. i hate being 150, i liked being 130! i thought well maybe i'll quit the diet and work out. but who am i kidding. it could take me months to get down those 30lbs. but i know that if i stick with it i could be back down in a month and a half.
so here i am. 150lbs,. and tomorrow i'm going to start again at day one week one. god grant me the strengh to keep with it this time. i have the weekend coming up and then camping. i want to look good at nicks company picnic in 17 days. I CAN DO THIS!!!
i put my bathing suit on today and felt GROSS!!! and nothing is fitting right. i'm in between sizes and it looks aweful! i need to go clothes shopping in a few months for winter clothes and i want to be the size i want to be, not this fat cow sitting in front of the computer.
ppl dont get it though. what i do to myself all day. beat myself up. gag at the site of my flab! but i'm the only on who can change the way i look. and so far i'm not proving that i want to.
but tomorrow, tomorrow i'm starting fresh like its a new diet i've never done. day one!! i just have to remind myself wehere i came from. if i tell myself over and over again that in 6 weeks the flab will be gone and the diet will be done i can stick with it. i dont know what happened to the amazing will power i once had. it was great. i could turn anything down without even wanting a lick. i want that girl back. so tomorrow i'm going to get that girl back.
wish me luck. i know no one is actually reading this but it makes me feel better to just vent it out. also i need to stay off the scale, its depressing me. i'm on it about 5 times a day. and natlaie sees me on the scale a lot and is now weighing herself constantly. same with chloe. so i need to do it once a day and put the scale away. i dont want the girls being over cautious of their weight, thats my job. especially at their young age!
COME ONE DAY ONE BRING IT ON!!!
