2-9-2011

Yesturday I went PANTS shopping!!! Yes, I said it. The one thing EVERY girl/woman hates!! No matter the size you wear you still hate it. They fit your butt but not your waste. They dont look right with your shoes.. or shirts. You like a pair but the stiching and pockets are, eh, not too cute. Odd sizes, even sizes, tall, regular, petite, plus size, juniors, slim fit, relaxed fit, low rise, flair, wide leg, skinny, jeggings, boot cut.......COME ON!!!!! Then along with all these differet "types" of jeans they are completely different between brands. Don't even get me started on how the different colors of the jeans are different fits as well.

My current pants were just getting too big. I couldnt keep them up. nothing was working. I had no choice BUT to take the girls to the mall and just do it! I was in luck, Khols was having a killer sale on their jeans. 17.99!!!! My day got infinetly better... I was thinking, this is a good sign. So i grab two sizes...a 17 and a 15, my current jeans were a 16 (but they were old and well worn so probably stretched out a bunch).

I gave my self the benifit of the doubt and tried on the 17's. It was a disaster!!! WAY WAY WAY too big... AWESOME!!! So I tried on the 15's. They were a little snug as i pulled them up, so I got a little nervous. But when i buttoned them up they fit really good. Its been sooo long since i've had a pair of jeans fit me soooo well.

People don't understand how hard it is to shop for clothes when you are fat. Everything (even the xxl'x) are way too tight, they are made to fit smaller girls. You find something that is WAY cute and go to try it on and oh, there's all your fat for the world to see. UGGG!!! Nothing fits you right. The clothing industry thinks that cause you are a size 18 you are 6ft tall and only make that size in Talls! what. really. Or you have to spend double what the skinnier girls spend for a pair of jeans that are your size.

Being fat is in no way jolly, or fun. It isn't what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember being younger and going to the store with my dad and seeing a obessed person and telling my dad 'wow if i EVER weighed over 180lbs just shoot me!' Thankfully he did not shoot me when I reached that 180 nor did he shoot me when I went over 200. I'm embarrassed. Truely I am. And at almost 28 years old its really hard for me to loose the weight that only took me 3 months to put on.

Things will get better. They will change. I hope this summer I will look great in a bathing suit at the lake. That my confiedence will go up. Shopping will be easier. Going in public will be less of an axiety. I won't be embarrased when I run into people when I go to Bremerton or Silverdale.

What I don't get is that I don't have a lot of supporters. People I THOUGHT were friends. Its like when I got pregnant with natalie, my friends were non existant. The same thing is happening now. I know now who my TRUE friends are and I'd rather have 3 AMAZING friends then 20 half ass, fair weather friends. Nick and my friends are my biggest supporters.

Keep me in your thoughts as I continue my journey to be a healthier, prettier, skinner, happier me!!!