Wednesday, September 21, 2011


so here i am ready to confess my sins...

...i have cheated...pretty much all summer long. i thought i had my cheating on this diet under control but i didnt. today is day 3. i weigh 154lbs as of this morning (a whopping 24lbs from my smallest size) and i have 34lbs to go till i am completely off this diet.

You should never cheat on this diet. it sends your brain into sugar overload. things i normally didnt care for i CRAVED, as in wake up in the middle of the night NEEDING!!! i felt myself getting fatter with each and every bite of this sinful food! My lack of self control made me self conscience and discusting everytime i ate in public. with every meal we had out, whether it was camping, or dinners, or bbqing with friends i felt ppl judging me. i felt that EVERYONE could see i was getting fatter with every bite.

But now i can honestly say i'm back on track. When NOTHING in my closet fit me it was my wake up call. Lets just say sweats and tee shirts have been my best friend the last three days. I'm so glad i got rid of EVERY thing in my fat wardrobe. Its hard for me to get rid of things, i was scared i needed them again. if i had them in the closest still i probably wouldnt have been so focased getting back on this diet the last three days.

day three is the hardest though. its the last day of your sugar reserve in the body. my stomach has been at a constant grumble for more food all day. and i know its just cause it wants sugar! but i know i mustn't. i can do this! i will not fail.

my brothers are coming up HOPEFULLY for christmas. one hasnt seen me since i was 230+lbs. i want to shock them! i've always been the fatty in my family and for once i can actually sit comfortably and not feel so self aware.

also with summer pretty much gone i can start working out again. (after i complete the diet of course) i can't wait to see what i'll look like then. Being excited for the diet again has made me refocus as well. i'm conjuring up new dinners to keep it interesting for me. the more intersting i can make it the more likely i have to sticking with it. the good part is i no longer work. i am STUCK here at home and i cant just RUN to the store real quick when i have a craving for things NOT in the house. (benefit of living in the sticks)

so here it is day 3 week 1 of the restart of my diet. wish me luck and strength everyone.

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