feeling pretty good. still am looking forward to being off this diet. mainly for the fact i want to start getting into shape. working out is something i am CRAVING now.
I'm at 143 today. pretty good, seeing how i only have 23 more to go. I remember when i lost my first 20lbs with just eating right and exercising. oh i was sooo happy!!! but the journey seemed sooo long. now i only have 23 left. i can't believe it. i'm excited and nervous all at the same time. can i even do it alone? i did really good when i was just eating right, it was the fact that the weight wasnt coming off as fast as i would have liked it too. Now i just can't believe that i'm at 143. i dont even remember when i WAS this weight. that is sad.
In middle school through high school i've always struggled with weight. I wasnt big but bigger than all the other prettier girls. bigger than all my friends. i felt fat. gross. clothes didnt look right on me and i always tried to hide myself with baggie clothes. t'shirts that didnt show my grossness. the only time i felt pretty was sophmore year my friend karissa lent me clothes and did my hair and make up for a dance (that to remind EVERYONE i went to alone!) it was the only time i felt pretty. i remember one night at dinner asking my brother peter for a roll and he said you have plenty already (refering to my fat rolls) mind you i wasnt as fat as i was jsut a year ago. oh no, nowhere near it. i was probably about as big as i am right now. but it stung. still stings today. i wonder if ppl know what its like to be fat. to look at every bite you see going into your mouth and say to yourself "you really dont need this". and the fact was i didnt. but its not fair when EVERYONE else is eating fattening foods.
I'm happy that i'm almost over my FAT stage. summer is coming and i want to look good. i'm still debating if i want to go to my high school reunion or not. Do i really care to see you all. or do i jsut want to show off how amazing i'll look??? i guess i'll find that out soon enough.
weigh in on thursday and i'm hoping it will show 140!!! hoping. nothing i can do to really push it along. lol! just keep on trucking i guess.
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